32 Must-Knows When Spending the First Night Together For an Amazing Time

Spending the first night together with someone is filled with excitement, but there’s also the potential for mishaps. Here’s what you need to know.

Spending the first night together with someone new is always an exciting experience. You never really know what’s going to happen. In some cases, you may be surprised that the prim and proper lady or the chivalrous gentleman may turn out to be a real freak between the sheets.

We’ve all had some pretty good and pretty bad first night experiences. But some of the horrible first time stories don’t need to happen to you too! In fact, there are a ton of things that you can do to prevent a horrible first time with someone you’re really into. [Read: Floppies and 10 awkward things that happen during sex]

So What’s the Big Deal?

You might be wondering, “What’s the big deal with spending the first night together?” It seems straightforward, but this milestone is more than just a physical union, it’s a significant emotional and psychological step in a relationship.

When you’re spending the first night together, it’s not just about the physical aspect. This moment is laden with emotions and expectations.

This step can deepen the bond between partners, as it often involves vulnerability and trust. It’s a time when the emotional connection can either flourish or flounder, based on the experiences and feelings shared.

The first night together is about more than just physical intimacy, it’s a foundation for emotional and psychological closeness.

This experience sets the tone for future intimacy, as it opens up new avenues of communication and understanding.

How you both navigate this night can significantly influence the trajectory of your relationship, making it a crucial step in building a lasting bond. [Read: 25 good signs your relationship will last & 32 bad signs it won’t work]

It’s normal to have fears and concerns about spending the first night together. Whether it’s performance anxiety, worries about physical appearance, or the fear of not living up to expectations, these feelings are common. Acknowledging and discussing these anxieties can actually bring partners closer, as it shows a level of honesty and vulnerability that is essential in deepening the relationship.

Preparing for the First Night Together

We’re going to let you in on a little secret about spending the first night together: it’s not just about what happens during the night, but also about the preparations leading up to it. The key to a smooth and enjoyable experience lies in the groundwork laid beforehand.

1. Communication is Key

The most crucial step in preparing for your first night together is communication. Talk openly about your expectations, boundaries, and comfort levels. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]

This conversation shouldn’t just be about physical intimacy but also about any personal quirks or needs you might have. For instance, if you’re a light sleeper or have certain morning routines, sharing this information can help avoid awkward situations and ensure both of you are on the same page.

2. Practical Preparations

If you’re hosting, make sure your space is welcoming and comfortable. This includes clean bedding, extra pillows, and perhaps some amenities like water or snacks. If you’re the guest, pack essentials like a toothbrush, pajamas, and any other overnight items you’ll need.

Think about what would make you feel at home and try to provide or bring those things. It’s these little comforts that can make a big difference in how relaxed you both feel.

3. Setting the Right Environment

The ambiance of the space is key to a comfortable first night together. Soft lighting, clean surroundings, and a comfortable temperature can all contribute to a relaxing atmosphere.

Consider some background music or a light scent like lavender to help both of you feel more at ease. The goal is to create an environment that feels safe and inviting, a place where both of you can relax and be yourselves.

4. Plan for the Morning After

It’s not just about the night, but also about the morning after. Discussing breakfast plans or the next day’s schedule can help avoid any confusion or awkwardness in the morning. [Read: 34 things guys think about after you sleep with them for the first time]

Whether it’s a quick coffee together or a need to leave early, knowing what to expect can make the morning smoother for both parties.

5. Respect Privacy and Space

Whether you’re a guest or a host, it’s important to respect each other’s privacy and space. If you need some alone time or have to attend to personal matters, communicate this politely. Respecting each other’s space is crucial in maintaining comfort and harmony during the stay.

6. Be Open to Adjustments

No matter how well you plan, be prepared to make adjustments. Flexibility is crucial when spending the first night together, especially when it involves being intimate for the first time. If something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t go as planned, be open to adapting.

It might mean changing your approach to intimacy, slowing things down, or even taking a break if needed. These small compromises can significantly enhance comfort and enjoyment, ensuring that both partners feel respected and at ease.

How to Have a Hassle-free First Night Together

Though there’s no surefire way to prevent possible embarrassing scenarios, you can keep these tips to reduce the odds of anything untoward happening to you.

1. Stay Safe

Don’t count on each other to have protection. You need to bring your own. In cases where you’re just casually dating, and you find yourselves in bed together, it’s time to have the contraceptive talk.

There should always be a condom on hand to avoid unwanted pregnancies and dreaded STDs. If you’re already in a long term relationship, it may also be a good idea to get yourselves tested before you get frisky.

In addition to sexual safety, you must also keep your physical safety in mind. If you’re headed to your date’s place for a bit of fun, make sure you tell someone you trust where you’re going and who you’ll be with. It may seem like something only the most paranoid people would do, but trust us when we say it’s better to be safe than sorry. [Read: 29 safe sex secrets & nasty dangers of unprotected sex most don’t know!]

2. Set the Mood

There are tons of ways you can set the mood and help you both relax before getting into the sexy part of the date. You can play some music you both enjoy, use a couple of aphrodisiac aromatherapy candles, or even have a glass of wine or two.

Plus points if you have some mood lighting handy in your place. Just don’t overdo the mood-setting as you don’t want to make your house look like a cheap hotel.

If you’ve been planning to have your date over to your house, it’s also important that your place is presentable. Get rid of the obvious clutter and make sure nothing stinks. If you have a pet at home, it also helps to clean up the litter box and eliminate traces of fur on your furniture. [Read: Sexy bedroom: 24 sex room ideas to make any room look & feel sexy]

3. Keep Yourself Groomed

You don’t need to get it all waxed off down there. Just a few snips to keep things clean would do. Aside from hygiene down there, you should also take care of hygiene everywhere else. Sex can be a pretty sweaty activity, so slather on the deodorant where it’s needed.

For those unexpected first times, one way you can get your hygiene in check is by hopping into the shower together.

When all those couples opt for the bed for their first encounter, you can jazz it up a bit by having your first time in the shower. Not only are you both squeaky clean, but you can also get creative with different positions!

4. Embrace the Awkwardness

You’re not professional porn stars, so you’re not expected to be experts at what to do. There will be awkward moments when you’re exploring each other’s bodies, particularly if you’re getting it on in the dark.

Tangled limbs and getting squished are all part of the first-time experience. Don’t let the awkwardness suck the fun out of what you’re doing, and instead, learn to laugh it off.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, but before you can smoothly glide from one move to another, you will make a couple of mistakes along the way. Don’t think of those moments as something that would turn your partner off, because your partner is more likely to admire your sense of humor when you learn to laugh at the awkwardness.

5. Try Your Best to Be as Relaxed as Possible

Women oftentimes worry that their partners think they’re too fat, too flat, too jiggly or just not that sexy. Men, on the other hand, are worried that they’ll come too soon or that they’re not big enough to please a woman.

To be honest, your little insecurities about your body may not even be such a big deal to your partner. In other words, you’re breaking a sweat for nothing! Find the confidence within you and own this moment. Don’t let your insecurities prevent you from having the best first time sex of your life! [Read: Steps to get your body confidence back in the bedroom]

6. Avoid Anything Too Kinky or Extreme

It’s the first time. You don’t want to scare your partner off with whips, chains and gags! If that’s the type of thing you’re into, it’s best to talk it over before actually whipping your paraphernalia out. Otherwise, your partner might jump back into his or her clothes and run!

Slowly introduce your little fetishes by talking about them beforehand. You can suggest it or subtly mention it in your conversations. “Have you ever tried [insert your kinky fetish] before?” Then you can check if your partner would be violently opposed to it or willing to give it a try. [Read: How to be kinky: 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of normal]

7. Be Sparing With Your Best Moves

The excitement of sleeping with someone new can be so overwhelming, that you want to try all your best moves at the same time. Not only will you exhaust yourself, but your partner might start expecting all of them in the future. Now THAT’s exhausting!

Instead of doing everything your previous partners have enjoyed, just do one special move at a time and get your partner accustomed to it. Then, during your next tryst, try a different move. This would add variety and can keep your partner coming back for more. [Read: 45 minxy sex moves & positions for girls to impress a guy & blow his mind!]

8. Speak Up

Of course, you want to please your partner, but your partner also wants to please you. Make it easier on both of you by being vocal about what you want or don’t want.

Don’t fake pleasure to spare your partner’s feelings, because your encounters would be based on the mistaken assumption that you like what they’re doing.

This is especially true for women who are serial orgasm fakers. Don’t do it, ladies! You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment in future encounters! Likewise, if you genuinely enjoy something, make sure your partner knows about it so that they can do it more often.

9. After the Sex is Done, Try to Act as Normal as Possible

Sex isn’t a contract that instantly puts you in a relationship, so don’t start calling your partner little pet names. And don’t start acting cold and distant just to see how far your partner would go to woo you.

In short, just avoid the silly mind games and keep it casual. Reserve the “where is this going” questions for after the sex-fueled hormones have gone to their normal levels.

10. Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

There are tons of techniques that both men and women use when they want someone out of their beds after sex. Being told to get out can hurt, but having your partner hint that you should go can also sting.

Instead, prepare yourself for the possibility that you won’t be staying over your partner’s place or come up with an excuse to leave before you get shooed out.

Having sex with someone doesn’t necessarily give you a ticket to stay over for as long as you like. Fight the temptation to stake a claim on the new territory after you’ve slept with its resident *e.g. wearing his clothes, putting your stuff in a drawer, or helping yourself to the fridge*. Remember, you’re still a visitor, and you’d need to leave sometime. [Read: Walk of shame: What makes it awkward & 15 secrets to own it with confidence]

11. Understand Each Other’s Expectations

It’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what both of you expect from this experience. This doesn’t just mean the physical aspect, but also how you both view the significance of this step in your relationship.

Are you both looking for something casual, or is this a step toward something more serious? Clearing up these expectations can prevent misunderstandings and make the night more comfortable for both of you.

12. Bring Essentials for Comfort

Whether you’re at your place or theirs, having a few essentials can make a big difference. This includes things like a phone charger or any medication you might need.

It’s about balancing being prepared without overpacking. These small items can make you feel more at home and relaxed, which is key when spending the first night together.

13. Respect Each Other’s Boundaries

It’s important to remember that spending the first night together is as much about emotional connection as it is about physical intimacy. Be attentive to your partner’s comfort levels and respect their boundaries.

If either of you isn’t ready to take certain steps, it’s crucial to be understanding and patient. This respect will not only make the night more enjoyable but also lay a strong foundation for trust in your relationship.

14. Keep the Atmosphere Light and Fun

To ensure a hassle-free first night together, it’s important to keep things light and fun. You don’t want to come off as too eager or make it seem like you’re just rushing to get into each other’s pants. [Read: Having sex too soon: Consequences you have to be prepared for]

Instead, focus on enjoying each other’s company with activities you both like, such as watching a favorite movie or playing a casual game.

15. Plan for a Thoughtful Morning

The way you handle the morning after spending the first night together can be just as important as the night itself.

A simple but thoughtful gesture like making coffee or having breakfast together can leave a lasting positive impression. It’s an opportunity to show kindness and consideration, reinforcing the good vibes from the night before.

16. Maintain Open Communication Post-Night

After spending the first night together, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. This doesn’t mean you need to have a deep debrief about every detail, but checking in with each other, expressing how you felt, and discussing any thoughts about the future can be beneficial.

Doing this ensures that both partners feel heard and valued, paving the way for a healthy progression of the relationship.

Mistakes to Avoid When Spending the First Night Together

Of course, when it comes to spending the first night together, there’s a wrong way to do it as well. Here’s how you can sidestep some common blunders:

1. Overthinking and Overplanning

While it’s good to be prepared, overthinking every detail can sap the spontaneity and fun out of the night. [Read: 38 secrets to stop overthinking, what it looks like, signs & the fastest fixes]

Trying to script everything can lead to disappointment if things don’t go as planned. It’s about finding the sweet spot between having a general idea and going with the flow. This allows for unexpected, yet pleasant, surprises that can make the night more memorable.

2. Neglecting Personal Boundaries

It’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment, but it’s crucial to respect each other’s boundaries. Ignoring these can not only ruin the night but also harm the relationship.

Always communicate and seek consent. Respecting boundaries shows care and consideration, which are key to a positive experience. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

3. Ignoring Post-Night Communication

As we mentioned, many people underestimate the importance of communication after spending the first night together.

Skipping this can leave one or both of you feeling uncertain about where you stand. A simple message or conversation can reinforce your connection and clarify expectations, making both parties feel more secure.

4. Being Too Nervous

It’s normal to feel nervous, but letting anxiety take over can dampen the experience. This might lead to being overly self-conscious or hesitant, which can be off-putting.

Remember, it’s about sharing a special moment with someone, not performing. Deep breaths, and remind yourself that it’s okay to be vulnerable. [Read: How to get rid of nervousness & calm your mind wherever you are]

5. Strictly Sticking to a ‘Plan’

If you’ve set up a rigid plan for how the night should go, you’re setting yourself up for potential disappointment.

Things rarely go exactly as planned, especially in intimate settings. Be flexible and adaptable. This approach can lead to a more relaxed and enjoyable experience for both of you.

6. Neglecting Hygiene

This might seem obvious, but it’s crucial not to overlook good personal hygiene, especially when you’re planning to spend the first night together having sex. Good hygiene shows respect for both yourself and your partner.

When you’re getting physically close, anything like bad breath or body odor becomes immediately noticeable and can be a major turn-off. Ensuring you are clean and fresh can prevent discomfort and keep the focus on the intimacy and pleasure of the experience.

A bit of effort in this department goes a long way in making sure both of you feel comfortable and can fully enjoy each other’s presence. [Read: How to prepare for sex: 20 things you MUST do to enjoy it way more]

7. Misreading Signals

Misreading signals can definitely lead to some awkward situations or discomfort. For example, imagine you lean in for a kiss when your partner is just trying to whisper something in your ear. That’s not just embarrassing, but it can also throw off the vibe for the night.

Always keep an eye on how they’re reacting to your moves – if they pull back slightly or seem hesitant, take it slow and check in with them. This helps keep everything smooth and ensures both of you are on the same comfortable page.

8. Not Being Present

It’s easy to get distracted thinking about what to do next or how you’re performing, but this can take away from the experience.

Being mentally absent can make your partner feel undervalued. Focus on the moment and on your partner, as this presence makes the experience more intimate and fulfilling. [Read: Is it a date or just hanging out? 22 subtle signs to read their mind]

9. Ignoring Comfort

Whether it’s the room temperature, the lighting, or the sleeping arrangements, comfort is key. A lack of attention to these details can make the experience less enjoyable. Make sure both of you are comfortable and the environment is conducive to a good time.

10. Forgetting to Enjoy the Moment

Lastly, whether you’re having sex or not, don’t forget to simply enjoy the experience. Spending the first night together is a special milestone in any relationship. It’s about more than just physical intimacy, it’s about deepening your connection with someone you care about.

Pay attention to the little moments—the way they smile at you across the room, how they fit into your embrace, or the easy laughter that flows when you share a private joke. These are the nuances that build a relationship. Cherish and savor these moments, and let them strengthen the bond between you. [Read: 32 secrets to be present & live in the moment when life is speeding past you]

Keep These Tips in Mind

Whether you’re aiming for something casual or envisioning a serious relationship, that first time you have sex with someone can indeed make a pretty big impression. It’s one of those moments that can set the tone for what comes next.

Making it a good one is about more than just what happens in the bedroom. It’s about the care, respect, and understanding you show each other before, during, and after. Keeping these tips in mind can help ensure that your experience of spending the first night together is not just hassle-free, but also meaningful and enjoyable.

[Read: Text after sex: What to text, 28 dos & don’ts and text examples to use]

Spending the first night together is a unique experience that contributes significantly to the foundation of your relationship, regardless of its nature. It’s a blend of excitement, intimacy, and mutual understanding. By being mindful of these aspects, you can turn this intimate milestone into a cherished memory.