22 Signs You’re Losing Interest in a Relationship & Slowing Letting Go

You have been wondering if you are losing interest in a relationship. Regardless of how long you have been together, here are the signs you need to notice. 

A lot of relationships fail. Most of them do. And that’s not such a terrible thing if both of you are incompatible and not meant to be. So, how do you know if you’re losing interest in a relationship? 

At the risk of sounding jaded, you need to understand that sometimes when relationships end, it’s for the best. And as much as it hurts, you’ve got to take away the life lessons and move on.

But then again, this is a hard decision to make. What if you’ve just only hit a small speed bump, and giving up the relationship is something you’ll later come to regret?

Should you give up or fight on when interest in lost in a relationship?

Sometimes things end because you’re just fighting all the time. When this happens, it’s obvious that it’s time to quit. But in a lot of relationships, it just starts to feel old, and things start getting boring. Everything starts to feel like a routine, and you don’t feel like the relationship is going anywhere.

But even this feeling of staleness, of losing interest, can be misleading. It could be due to external factors, or it may just mean that you need a jolt of excitement, of trying new things and getting out of the rut. But it could also mean it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

[Read: 18 signs of indifference in a relationship and how to prevent a drift]

The 22 biggest signs you’re losing interest in a relationship

If you feel like you’re losing interest in your relationship and in your significant other, here’s how to tell if it’s a temporary blip or a sign that it’s time for a big change.

1. Feeling of obligation

Spending time together in a normal relationship should not feel like a chore. If you have a slight feeling of dread before meeting up with your significant other, that does not bode well for you two. 

Also, if you feel exhausted or just mentally drained after a day spent together, it’s time to move on. Spending casual time together should never feel like an obligation or a burden. [Read: How to tell your partner you’re unhappy and 18 steps to not hurt them]

2. Stuck on the sofa

If you have plans to meet, and you just can’t seem to motivate yourself to go, it’s time to question why you’re still in the relationship. Often you’ll just be glued to the TV, or browsing your Facebook timeline for the fifth time. 

You’re not even enjoying yourself, you’re just putting off walking out the door. This could be a sign of depression, but if you’re feeling okay otherwise and this feeling is specifically associated with your partner only, then it’s a clear loss of interest in the relationship.

3. The company of others

Your girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t have to be the first person you want to spend time with on any given day or night, but if you find that they’re rarely or never your top choice, you should start to ask yourself why that is. 

It’s great hanging out with your friends, and you don’t always have to invite your significant other along. But if you never want to, there’s probably no future for the relationship.

4. Constant bother

You know when you’re just having a bad day and little things that shouldn’t be a big deal just annoy the heck out of you? Well, one of the signs that you’re losing interest in your relationship is that your significant other increasingly makes you feel this way. 

It’s even likely that things that he or she used to do all the time that you found cute or endearing, are now the cause of your annoyance. There’s probably no way back from this point if that’s how you feel. Time for a breakup. [Read: The 15 signs of a failing relationship that predict the end of love]

5. Picking fights

Fighting is not always a bad thing, as it can help to strengthen relationships if you can communicate well and avoid pettiness. But constant arguments are a bad sign, and if you’re the one starting most of them, it’s probably for a deeper reason than the small things that started each fight.

It may not even be a conscious thing. You might not realize that you’re doing it because you want out of the relationship. That’s a bad situation, and unfair to your partner. If the fights are getting worse and more frequent, it’s time to think about calling it quits. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting way too often]

6. Intimacy lost

Hugs and kisses are one of the first casualties when someone starts losing interest in their relationship. The small, intimate things that were always there at the start just don’t happen as much anymore. 

It could be the goodnight kiss, the hand-holding, or the hug when you see each other after a long day at work. If you’re getting bored of the relationship, the absence of these things is a big giveaway.

7. Bedroom bore

This one seems pretty obvious, and loss of interest in the bedroom is often a sign that you’re losing interest in the relationship.

But people’s sex drives can go up or down for a number of reasons, from health to external stress, so this is one to be careful with.

Oftentimes, it’s just when it becomes too routine that you don’t want sex as much as you used to. Try changing things up in the bedroom. Bring in role-play, or dirty talk, explore your fantasies and kinks. If none of this works, then it may be a larger problem with the relationship itself. [Read: 19 foreplay sex games for couples to get incredibly horny in minutes]

8. Eyes for others

A very common sign of a tired and stale relationship is wandering eyes – when you start looking at other men or women or fantasizing about a co-worker. 

These aren’t necessarily bad things to do, but when it becomes constant, and you stop thinking of your significant other in a sexual light, then it’s time for some self-examination.

You don’t have to only have eyes for your partner, but you should at least have them.

9. Non-disclosure

At the start of a relationship, you start confiding a lot in your significant other. This doesn’t necessarily have to be your deep, dark secrets.

It may just be a problem you had with your boss or an argument with a family member. It could even be a funny story a co-worker told or just about your day in general. When you stop sharing these seemingly mundane yet crucial things, it could be because you’re losing interest in the relationship and don’t feel like putting in the effort anymore. [Read: Emotionally. detached? 15 signs they don’t care about your feelings]

10. A bore

Sometimes there comes a point in the relationship where you just feel, well, bored. It’s important to differentiate between boredom in the relationship and general boredom in your life. Think hard about it: if you were to break up, would you start feeling more or less bored? 

You may just need to work together with your partner to find ways to break out of your routines.

Try new things, go new places, and spice up your sex life. But if you feel like a breakup would cure the boredom, well then that’s what you should do. [Read: 20 honest reasons and signs why you’re bored with your relationship]

11. Not missing them

When we love someone, we like being around them. We can’t wait to see them again when we’re not with them. But if you find that you’re not missing them when they aren’t with you, then that is a bad sign.

But when you’re losing interest in the relationship, there is no excitement when you think about doing things with them. Instead, you’re perfectly fine being by yourself or with other people.

12. Forget what they told you

Maybe they told you that their sister’s wedding is next month. And maybe they told you about it ten times. But for some reason, you just can’t remember that.

The reason is that it’s not important to you. Your brain isn’t plugging into the details of what they tell you – whether it’s a wedding or simply a story about what happened at work that day. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]

13. View them as a friend

You like them, but you’re not in love with them. It’s fine if you hang out and do stuff with them, but you have no desire to kiss, hold hands, hug, cuddle or have sex.

That’s because you’re only seeing them as a friend. That’s fine, but if you’re supposed to be in a romantic relationship, then it’s not okay. It’s not fair to your partner if you feel this way. [Read: Relationship feels like friendship? 27 signs, reasons and how to dirty it up]

14. Forget to respond to texts and calls

You might be chilling at home watching Netflix by yourself. You see a text from them come in, but you don’t even both to pick up your phone to read it right away. Instead, you just ignore it.

Then, hours or more go by and you don’t even remember to text them back. Or, if they call, it feels like a chore to even call them back.

15. Feeling lonely

You can be sitting right next to them at home, but you have a feeling of loneliness in your heart. It almost feels like you are alone and not in a relationship at all.

It’s never good to feel lonely. But when you’re a couple and feel that way, it’s even worse. At least if you feel lonely when you’re single, it’s for a good reason – you’re actually alone. [Read: 28 truths about feeling alone in a relationship and how to fix it]

16. Nothing to talk about

If it feels like pulling teeth in order to find things to talk about with your partner, then you are definitely losing interest in the relationship, or in a deep rut.

When we are really excited about someone, we can talk about everything under the sun. But if you are trying to make conversation and you just can’t think of anything, then you know that the relationship is stagnating.

17. No initiating

Your partner is the one who is doing all the work in the relationship. They initiate dates and spending time together. You never think to initiate anything with them.

That’s because they aren’t on your mind and prefer not to spend time with them. If it feels like they are chasing you with all of their initiating, then you already have one foot out the door.

18. Don’t think about the future

When we first get into a relationship, we think about what it will be like to be with them in months, years, and decades down the road. We think about moving in together, weddings, children, and grandchildren.

So, if you can’t even see yourself committing to going to see a concert with them next month, then you don’t see a future with them. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]

19. Comparing relationships

If you look around at all the other couples you know and find that you are envious of them, then you are definitely losing interest in your relationship. 

Relationships are supposed to be enjoyable, and you should love being with that person. So, if you see all the happy couples surrounding you and you feel like you don’t have that, then you are not in the right relationship.

20. No affection

Because you view them as more of a friend than a lover, you don’t have an instinct or desire to have any affection. You might even sit on the other side of the room instead of right next to them.

Having a lack of affection and physical distance between the two of you speaks volumes. You aren’t interested in the relationship anymore. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches that will help you feel connected and loved]

21. You have become flaky

Because they are doing all the initiating – from dates and hanging out to sex – you have become lazy and flaky. You might say you will do something with them, and then bail on them.

You have a problem matching your words and actions. On one hand, you’ll say you’ll do something, and on the other hand, your actions will say otherwise.

22. Phone addiction

When you are with your partner, all you seem to do is scroll through your phone on social media or the internet. Your phone is your best friend, not your partner.

You do this because you are bored with them and can’t find anything to talk about. So, if you think you spend more time with technology than your partner, then you have lost interest in your relationship. [Read: Phubbing – what it is, 18 reasons why we phub, and ways to stop it ASAP]

Final thoughts

There’s usually no going back after you decide to end your relationship, so think long and hard before you do it. All of these signs are a good indication that time is up for you, but most of them might have some other cause.

People have a lot of stress in their lives, from work to family problems, to health issues. It could just be that one or both of you are going through a rough patch that will pass. 

Breaking up is a big decision, even in a fairly new relationship. It’s not one that should be taken lightly. But sometimes, it’s something that must be done.

[Read: 23 reasons why good reasons end even if there are no red flags at all]

Think it through, but if a few of the items on this list are ringing a bell for you, there’s a pretty good chance that you are losing interest in your relationship, and it will eventually lead to a breakup.