20 Ways Guys Manipulate and Control Their Girlfriends and How to Break Free

Ever feel like your guy has you on a short leash? It may be time to read up on the ways guys try to manipulate and control their girlfriends.

It’s a common scenario: when a friend is dating a guy who exhibits control issues, it’s clear to us that the relationship is unhealthy. However, recognizing the ways guys manipulate and control their girlfriends can be challenging when we find ourselves in similar situations.

If you’re uncertain whether your boyfriend is more in love with controlling you than he is with being in a healthy relationship, we’re here to help you identify the signs and come to a clear conclusion. [Read: Controlling people: 32 common traits, signs and ways to deal with them]

The Nature of Manipulation in Relationships

First things first, let’s dive into what manipulation in relationships really looks like. It’s not always the dramatic showdowns we see in movies. In reality, it’s much more subtle and, honestly, kind of sneaky.

Manipulation, at its core, is about controlling someone else’s behavior or emotions for one’s own benefit. It’s like being a puppeteer but in a not-so-fun way. So, why do some guys turn into these puppet masters? Psychology gives us some clues. It often boils down to issues of power and insecurity. [Read: Power struggles in a relationship: Signs & ways to overcome it]

Insecurity, a fundamental aspect of the human condition as noted by philosophers like Hobbes, plays a significant role.

For some guys, this awareness manifests in a need to control their girlfriends, an attempt to counterbalance their own deep-seated vulnerabilities and insecurities. By tightly gripping the reins of their relationships, they are, in a sense, trying to keep their own fears at bay.

Now, the tricky part about manipulation is how it creeps into a relationship. It doesn’t barge in, it tiptoes. It might start with something that seems pretty harmless, like slightly influencing decisions.

But then, it gradually escalates to more serious stuff – we’re talking about those classic ways guys manipulate and control their girlfriends. It’s a slow and steady progression that can leave anyone feeling lost and confused.

And here’s where it gets even more complicated. There’s a fine line between healthy influence and manipulation. Healthy influence is all about mutual respect and support. It’s like having a cheerleader who respects your boundaries. [Read: Boundaries in a relationship: 43 healthy dating rules you MUST set early on]

Manipulation, on the other hand, is all take and no give. It’s about shaping someone’s behavior or feelings without that same level of respect or consideration for their well-being.

Common Tactics of Manipulation Used by Guys

Ladies, distinguishing between a controlling boyfriend and one who’s just head-over-heels in love can be a real head-scratcher. Or are they the same thing?

In the haze of love, we may sometimes see controlling behavior as a sign of love. But if you see the following red flags in your relationship with your guy, you’d better watch out, as you may be dealing with a control freak. [Read: 23 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend most girls don’t notice]

1. He Blackmails You Emotionally and Guilt Trips You

The classic “If you love me, you won’t…” line. Sounds familiar? This is emotional blackmail. He’s playing on your emotions to manipulate your decisions and actions.

This can create a cycle of guilt and obligation, making you feel like you owe him your compliance. It’s a way of making his desires your priorities, often at the expense of your own needs and happiness. [Read: Guiltfree ways to handle guilt trippers in your life]

2. He Gaslights You

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where he makes you question your own reality or sanity. Imagine thinking, “Did he really say that, or am I just imagining things?” [Read: 105 most common gaslighting phrases, techniques & signs to recognize them]

He might deny saying things he clearly said, or twist facts around to suit his narrative. It can lead to self-doubt and confusion, weakening your sense of self and your trust in your own perceptions and memories.

3. He Isolates You from Friends and Family

By cutting you off from your support system, he gains more control. This isolation isn’t always obvious. It might start as small comments about the time you spend with others, gradually escalating to outright demands. The goal is to make you dependent on him, both emotionally and socially.

4. He Pulls the Victim Card and Shifts the Blame

Whenever there’s a problem, somehow it’s never his fault. If he’s playing the victim, he’s avoiding accountability and making you feel responsible for his actions or the problems in your relationship.

Doing this tactic can make you more sympathetic and likely to concede to his wishes to ‘make things right’.

5. He Withholds Affection or Resources as a Form of Control

This could be as blatant as withholding money or as subtle as withdrawing emotional support. It’s a way to punish you for not adhering to his expectations and to train you to behave as he wants.

Doing so creates a cycle of deprivation and relief, where you find yourself working harder for his approval or support. [Read: Controlling relationship: 42 signs & ways to love without bullying]

6. He Makes All the Decisions

Sure, it might seem sweet at first when he picks the restaurant or plans the weekend getaway. But when it turns into him making choices about your career, your clothes, and even your friendships, it’s a red flag.

This control tactic can leave you feeling like a passenger in your own life, not the driver. Psychologically, this erodes your sense of autonomy, a crucial element for personal well-being.

7. He Monitors Your Activities

At first, his “checking in” might feel like he’s just caring, but there’s a fine line between caring and controlling. When he starts keeping tabs on your every move, it’s not just invasive; it’s a form of control.

Constant surveillance like this can lead to a loss of privacy and autonomy, making you feel like you’re living under a microscope.

8. He Criticizes You Constantly

There’s constructive criticism, and then there’s this. When nothing you do ever seems good enough for him, that’s a problem.

Nitpicking can chip away at your self-esteem, making you doubt your own worth. It’s a classic tactic in psychological manipulation, used to lower your defenses and make you more susceptible to control. [Read: 30 signs of low self-esteem in a woman that reveal a need for self-love]

9. He Threatens You

Whether he’s threatening to break up with you, harm himself, or even harm you, it’s a massive red flag. It’s all about instilling fear to manipulate and control you.

The underlying psychological principle here is coercion, a form of psychological abuse that creates a power imbalance in the relationship.

10. He Uses Jealousy as a Tool

Oh, the drama! He flirts with others in front of you or accuses you of being too friendly with your co-worker. What a classic manipulation.

By triggering your jealousy, he’s trying to manipulate your emotions, seeking to make you react in ways that validate his control and feed his ego. [Read: Jealousy in a relationship: How to accept, deal & overcome it in love]

11. He Overloads You with Responsibilities

Suddenly, you’re the one handling all the chores, bills, and maybe even his emotions. This overload is not just exhausting, it’s a way to keep you so busy and overwhelmed that you don’t have the time or energy to challenge the dynamics of your relationship.

Doing this shifts the power balance, making you more dependent on him and less likely to feel capable of managing without him.

12. He Uses Love Bombing

It’s like a fairytale in fast-forward. In the beginning, he showers you with love, gifts, and grand gestures. But this isn’t just romance, it’s a tactic to quickly create a strong emotional bond.

Psychologically, this can create a dependency that makes it harder for you to leave when his true colors start showing. It’s a whirlwind meant to sweep you off your feet, and not in a good way. [Read: Love bombing: What it is, how it works & 21 signs you’re being manipulated]

13. He Downplays Your Successes

Whether it’s a promotion at work or a personal goal you’ve reached, he finds a way to make it seem less significant. Instead of being your biggest cheerleader, he’s the first to downplay your achievements, which can be damaging to your self-esteem and sense of achievement, as he attempts to keep you from feeling too confident or independent.

14. He Uses Sexual Manipulation

Okay, not gonna lie, this one’s particularly insidious. He might make you feel guilty for not being in the mood or use intimacy as a tool for making up after a fight.

It’s a way of controlling the most intimate part of your relationship. This can create a dynamic where you feel your value in the relationship is tied to your sexual availability or behavior, which is not only unfair but unhealthy. [Read: 24 sad signs of an unhealthy relationship that ruin love forever]

15. He Plays Mind Games

One day he’s sweet and loving, the next he’s cold and distant. These mind games are designed to keep you guessing and off-balance.

The thing is, unpredictability can create an anxiety-driven need for stability, making you more likely to do what he wants in hopes of returning to the ‘good times’.

16. He Makes You Doubt Your Friends and Family

In this manipulation tactic, he subtly undermines the intentions of those closest to you. You might find yourself pondering, “Why does he do this?” as he suggests that your friends or family are jealous or simply don’t understand the dynamics of your relationship.

The goal here is to isolate you, making you more dependent on him and less connected to your support network.

17. He Uses Financial Control

If he’s making all the money moves in your relationship, beware. This could mean he’s controlling your joint finances, or even worse, making you feel guilty about how you spend your own money.

This financial control can leave you feeling dependent and powerless. It’s a classic strategy to limit your independence, ensuring that you’re financially tethered to him.

18. He Ignores Your Boundaries

Whether it’s pushing you to share passwords or pressuring you into commitments you’re not ready for, ignoring your boundaries is a big no-no. [Read: Boundaries in a relationship: 43 healthy dating rules you MUST set early on]

A behavior like this shows a lack of respect for your personal space and choices. It’s a form of psychological control, aimed at breaking down your boundaries so you become more pliable to his will.

19. He Indulges in Public Humiliation

In social settings, he might make jokes at your expense or criticize you in front of others. This isn’t just awkward, it’s a form of control designed to embarrass you and assert his dominance.

Not only undermines your confidence but also aims to tarnish your image in the eyes of others, adding social pressure to the mix of manipulative behaviors.

20. He Dismisses Your Feelings and Opinions

Whenever you express how you feel or share your thoughts, he might brush them off as overreactions or trivial. “You’re just being too sensitive,” he might say.

He does this to belittle your emotions and thoughts, making you feel that your perspective is always flawed or unimportant. It’s a subtle way of undermining your confidence in your own feelings and judgments. [Read: How to express your feelings: Must-know ideas to speak your mind]

The Psychological Impact on Girlfriends

Girlfriends, ever wonder how manipulation really affects you? The sneaky thing about manipulation is that it’s not always in-your-face obvious. It’s more like a slow drip that gradually fills up the bucket. If you’re noticing some of these signs in yourself, then there’s a big chance you’re being manipulated.

1. Erosion of Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

When he’s constantly criticizing or undermining you, it’s like a tiny leak in your confidence tank – slow but damaging. Over time, this can lead to a significant drop in how you value yourself. [Read: High self-esteem: 33 low signs, what hurts self-worth & secrets to pump it]

You might start believing his negative comments, feeling less confident in making decisions or expressing your opinions. This erosion of self-esteem is linked to learned helplessness, where you start feeling incapable of improving your situation.

2. Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Stress

Living on the edge, never knowing what will set him off next? That’s a recipe for anxiety. The constant stress of walking on eggshells can lead to chronic anxiety and even depression.

3. Dependency and Loss of Individuality

When he’s calling all the shots, you might start feeling like you can’t make a move without him until you lose touch with your own identity and preferences.

You might start giving up hobbies, goals, and relationships that were once important to you, leading to a loss of your sense of self. [Read: How to stop being emotionally dependent on your boyfriend and grow]

4. Difficulty in Trusting Future Relationships

After being in a manipulative relationship, trusting someone new can feel like trying to climb a mountain in flip-flops – daunting and risky.

You might find yourself questioning other people’s motives or waiting for the other shoe to drop. A lack of trust is a common aftermath of manipulation, as it shakes the foundation of what you believe about honesty and integrity in relationships.

5. Constant Self-Doubt

When he’s always questioning your decisions or suggesting you’re not capable enough, you might start doubting your own judgment, too. What’s worse, this self-doubt can creep into all areas of your life, making you second-guess your choices and abilities.

Constant self-doubt can be linked to a decrease in self-efficacy, which is your belief in your ability to succeed or handle life’s challenges. [Read: Overcoming self-doubt: 26 signs & best ways to stop doubting yourself]

6. Feeling Isolated

If he’s cutting you off from friends and family, you might start feeling like you’re on an island all by yourself. This isolation isn’t just physical, it can also be emotional, as you might feel like no one else understands or can help you. The feeling of isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and abandonment, exacerbating stress and depression.

7. Emotional Exhaustion

Handling manipulation on a regular basis can leave you feeling emotionally drained. It’s as if all your mental energy gets used up in dealing with these mind games, leaving you feeling perpetually tired and just plain burned out. [Read: Tired of your relationship? 30 relationship burnout signs & quick fixes]

An ongoing stress like this can take a significant toll on your emotional well-being, making everything else in life feel more challenging.

8. Hyper-Vigilance

After experiencing manipulation, you might find yourself always on the lookout for signs of trouble. This hyper-vigilance is like having an internal alarm system that’s always on high alert, which can be mentally and physically exhausting.

It can lead to anxiety and stress, as you’re constantly anticipating and preparing for negative outcomes.

9. Feeling Worthless or Hopeless

Particularly in severe cases of manipulation, you might start feeling like you’re not worth being treated well, or that there’s no hope for things to get better.

This feeling of worthlessness or hopelessness is a serious impact of psychological manipulation and can contribute to depression and a loss of motivation to pursue your goals and interests.

10. Developing Trust Issues

After being manipulated, it’s common to develop trust issues, not just in romantic relationships, but in all types of relationships. You might find it hard to believe that people have good intentions, leading to skepticism and reluctance to open up to others.

It can create barriers to forming new relationships or maintaining existing ones. Psychologically, trust issues stem from a breach of trust in the past, leading to a protective mechanism where you’re more cautious about whom to trust in the future. [Read: I have trust issues: Baby steps to start dating & open your heart to love]

How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation

How do you set yourself free from this manipulation chokehold? It’s like untangling yourself from a web that’s been quietly wrapping around you.

But guess what? You’ve got the scissors in your hand, and it’s time to start snipping away. Let’s go through some empowering ways to cut loose from the ways guys manipulate and control their girlfriends, and reclaim your independence and happiness.

1. Call Out the Manipulative Behaviors

When you start recognizing and naming the manipulative tactics for what they are, they lose some of their power over you. This isn’t about starting a confrontation but about being honest with yourself. [Read: Psychological manipulation: How it works, 37 tactics, signs & ways to deal]

In psychology, this is known as ‘naming and taming‘ – when you can identify and label what’s happening, you can start to deal with it more effectively.

2. Set Boundaries

It’s crucial to establish what you are and aren’t okay with. Communicate these boundaries clearly to your boyfriend, and stick to them, even if he pushes back. Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships as they create a sense of mutual respect and safety.

3. Seek Backup from Trusted People

You’re not in this alone, girlfriend. Talk to friends, family, or a counselor who can offer support and perspective. [Read: Why do I feel so alone? Truths that can heal & change your life]

Sometimes, just talking about what’s happening can help you see the situation more clearly. Plus, having a support network can remind you of your worth and help you stay strong in your decisions.

4. Educate Yourself About Manipulation

Knowledge is power. The more you understand about manipulation and its effects, the better equipped you are to deal with it. There are tons of resources out there – books, websites, podcasts – dive in and educate yourself.

Understanding the psychology behind manipulation can demystify a lot of what you’re experiencing and empower you to take action.

5. Reconnect with Your Interests and Passions

Remember who you were before this relationship? Reconnect with those parts of yourself. Whether it’s picking up an old hobby, spending time with friends, or pursuing a new interest, doing things you love can help rebuild your sense of self.

It’s a way to remind yourself that you are your own person, with your own likes, dislikes, and interests. [Read: What are you passionate about? How to find and own your desires]

6. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is key. This can be anything from getting enough sleep, eating well, to taking time out for relaxation and fun.

When you’re feeling good physically and emotionally, you’re in a stronger position to handle manipulation. Self-care also boosts your self-esteem, making it easier to stand up for yourself.

7. Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, we need a little extra help, and that’s okay. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop strategies to deal with manipulation.

They can offer insights and tools that you might not have considered. Therapy can be incredibly empowering, helping you to understand and heal from the effects of manipulation.

8. Learn Assertiveness Skills

Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive. It’s about expressing your needs and feelings confidently and calmly.

There are workshops, books, and online resources to help you develop these skills. Assertiveness can help you communicate more effectively and stand up for yourself in a healthy way. [Read: Confident ways to be more assertive & speak your mind loud and clear]

9. Create an Exit Plan

If the relationship becomes unhealthy or unsafe, having an exit plan is crucial. This might include saving money, finding a place to stay, or arranging for transportation.

Know that leaving a manipulative relationship can be challenging, but it’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being. [Read: How to leave a toxic relationship: 24 steps to end it & find happiness]

10. Reflect on Your Relationship Patterns

Sometimes, we find ourselves in a cycle of similar relationships. Reflecting on your relationship patterns can help you understand why you might be drawn to manipulative partners.

It isn’t about blaming yourself, but about gaining insight and breaking the cycle. Understanding these patterns can help you make healthier relationship choices in the future.

You Deserve a Relationship That Doesn’t Hold You Back

So with all that said, think about this quote from the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, “Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn’t happiness.” It’s a reminder that while manipulation may seem like a play for power, it never equates to true happiness or a healthy relationship.

In the end, the real strength lies in mutual respect, understanding, and genuine care – the very opposites of manipulation and control. [Read: 36 signs of disrespect in a relationship that reveal a lack of love & respect]

As we’ve discussed the various ways guys manipulate and control their girlfriends, it’s clear that such dynamics are far from the foundation of a loving, supportive partnership. You deserve a relationship that lifts you up and celebrates your individuality, not one that holds you back. Stay aware, stay strong, and never settle for anything less than the respect and love you truly deserve.