20 Relationship Hang-ups to Avoid at All Costs & 25 Things to Know About Them

Every relationship will encounter problems at some point or another. But there are things you can do to avoid these relationship hang-ups.

Relationship hang-ups are issues that prevent the relationship from growing and progressing. They are usually borne out of immaturity and certain insecurities that one or both people in the relationship are dealing with.

Being in a relationship can be difficult at times, but holding on to these relationship hang-ups can make it even harder. By constantly letting these issues run rampant in your love life, you are inadvertently damaging your relationship. [Read: 36 ways & questions to fix a broken relationship & rebuild it with love]

Why Do People Have Relationship Hang-ups?

Relationship hang-ups often stem from a cocktail of past experiences and psychological predispositions. Imagine them as invisible threads, intricately woven by our life’s tapestry, influencing how we perceive and act in romantic relationships.

Starting with the concept of Attachment Theory, a brainchild of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, we find that our earliest bonds, especially those with caregivers, set the stage for future relationships.

Think of a young child who experienced inconsistency in caregiving; as an adult, they might develop an anxious attachment style, leading to hang-ups like clinginess or fear of abandonment in relationships. [Read: Attachment styles theory – 4 types and 19 signs and ways you attach to others]

Then there’s Cognitive Behavioral Theory *CBT*, which suggests that our thoughts and beliefs significantly shape our behaviors and emotions.

For instance, if someone grew up in a household where trust issues were rampant, they might develop a belief that partners are inherently untrustworthy. This belief can manifest as a hang-up in their relationships, leading to jealousy or constant doubt.

Sometimes, relationship hang-ups are reflections of broader societal narratives or observations. Take Emma, who saw her best friend go through a heart-wrenching breakup. [Read: Breakup advice – 22 things to do after a breakup to feel great and hate less!]

This vicarious experience instilled a fear in Emma that she might face a similar fate, leading to hang-ups in committing fully to a relationship.

It’s important to note that while these hang-ups can be challenging, they’re not insurmountable. Recognizing and acknowledging them is the first step towards addressing and resolving them.

It’s like turning on a light in a dimly lit room; suddenly, the shadows of doubt and fear become less intimidating, allowing for healthier and more fulfilling relationships. [Read: 38 Signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]

What Are the Common Relationship Hang-Ups?

Different couples experience different hang-ups, depending on their individual issues, and how those issues collide with each other. Here are hang-ups that many couples experience.

1. The Ex

If you and your partner are not each other’s first relationship, you can expect the subject of the ex to pop up now and then.

One of the most common hang-ups that couples have is wondering whether the ex is still in the picture and whether or not they should be threatened. [Read: Signs your past relationship is holding you back]

2. Affection

People show their love in different ways, but some people tend to make a bigger deal out of it.

They misinterpret the fact that their partner shows less affection than they do as a sign of dislike or loss of love. This can make a person in a relationship more insecure than they already are. [Read: 20 loving & romantic touches in a relationship to make you feel closer]

3. Frequency of Communication

If you are not an adult with a career, not being able to text your partner round the clock would not be much of a problem.

For couples who have busy lives, not being able to talk frequently gets thrown out of context. Some clingy people will take it as a slight, while others may perceive it as a sign that their partner isn’t doing enough to reach out to them.

4. Money

When someone is richer or earns more in a relationship, the balance of power is perceived to tip in that person’s favor. Generally, when a man earns more than a woman, it’s not much of an issue, unless she’s too dependent on him. [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]

But if a woman earns more than a man, it can develop into deeper insecurities on the man’s part, because they are often expected to be the providers in a relationship.

5. Cheating

Even though it hasn’t happened yet or never will, some people are paranoid about getting cheated on. This usually stems from a deeper insecurity, or it may be caused by a similar incident in a past relationship.

Being jealous for no apparent reason can ruin relationships before they even get a chance to grow. [Read: Jealousy in a relationship – how to accept, deal, and overcome it in love]

6. Physical Appearance

Some people can’t get used to the difference in attractiveness within a relationship, while some are too hung up on changing their partner’s appearance.

When someone feels judged or is being judged for their appearance, it can create problems that aren’t just limited to the relationship. [Read: 65 physical attraction tips to look way more attractive & desirable in no time]

7. Secrecy

If you ask someone whether you should tell your partner everything, more often than not they will answer “no.”

Some couples tend to fight over the secrets that they can’t divulge to each other. Yes, couples should always be open and honest with each other, but that doesn’t mean that you have to pester them for information whenever you feel like they’re hiding something.

8. Family Matters

When two people are in a relationship, they should decide then and there that any decision they make involving each other should not include their family’s opinions. [Read: Toxic family members – 15 signs and reasons to cut them off for good]

It’s okay to ask, but it’s not okay to force it on your partner, if they don’t agree to it. This usually happens when a major decision needs to be made in terms of career and money.

9. Friends of the Opposite Sex

This often becomes a problem because of trust issues. It could be that your partner doesn’t trust you enough to allow you to have friends from the opposite sex, or they don’t trust your friends at all.

10. Sex

When the subject comes up, it’s usually about past lovers: how many, when was the last, how often? [Read: 37 Secrets to have more sex as a couple and how often is totally normal]

Another problem is when a person feels like they’re not satisfying their partner. It’s a touchy subject that can be the source of many fights, especially when in bed.

11. Intimacy Incompatibility

Not just about sex, but also about the level of emotional closeness and affection.

If one person craves deep conversations and constant cuddles while the other values space, it can lead to misunderstandings. Understanding and respecting each other’s intimacy needs is crucial. [Read: Emotionally distant partner – 24 signs, effects, and steps to feel closer again]

12. Digital Disconnect

In an era where our phones are like an extra limb, the way partners use *or don’t use* technology can be a major hang-up.

Whether it’s being too active on social media, not texting back promptly, or binge-watching shows alone – digital habits can create a disconnect. The key? Finding a balance between screen time and quality time together.

13. Adventure vs. Routine

Some crave adventure and spontaneity, while others find comfort in routine and predictability. [Read: Tired of your relationship? 30 relationship burnout signs and quick fixes]

This clash can lead to a relationship hang-up where one feels bored and the other overwhelmed. It’s about blending stability with occasional surprises to keep the spark alive.

14. Personal Space

Everyone needs their ‘me time,’ but how much is too much? When one partner’s need for personal space feels like neglect to the other, it’s a classic relationship hang-up.

Balancing together-time with alone-time requires open communication and understanding of each other’s needs. [Read: Ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever before]

15. Future Fears

Discussions about the future can be exciting or daunting.

If one is dreaming of white picket fences while the other is spooked by long-term commitments, you’ve hit a hang-up. It’s important to have honest conversations about expectations and timelines to align your visions.

16. Political Polarization

In today’s politically charged climate, differing political views can be a significant relationship hang-up. [Read: Do opposites attract or push each other away? The must-know truths]

Whether it’s about voting for different parties or disagreeing on social issues, it’s crucial to respect each other’s perspectives and agree to disagree sometimes.

17. Parenting Philosophies

For couples with or planning for children, differing parenting styles can become a major hang-up. From discipline to education choices, these differences can cause rifts. The trick lies in finding common ground and compromising for the kids’ sake.

18. Work-Life Balance

When one’s married to their job, and the other’s left feeling like a work widow, it’s a classic hang-up. [Read: How to maintain a social life when you work from home]

Striking a balance between professional ambitions and personal life is key to preventing resentment and maintaining a healthy relationship.

19. Cultural Clashes

In an increasingly multicultural world, differing cultural backgrounds can lead to hang-ups in a relationship.

From food preferences to holiday traditions, these differences can be both enriching and challenging. Embracing each other’s cultures with an open mind can strengthen the bond. [Read: Cross-culture romance – 40 secrets to have a happy intercultural relationship]

20. Health and Lifestyle Choices

You might not think about this at the beginning, but when one partner is a health nut and the other’s idea of exercise is a TV marathon, lifestyle choices can become a subtle yet significant hang-up.

Whether it’s about hitting the gym or having conflicting dietary habits, these differences can cause some friction over time.

Little things like this can add up and create tension, making it tricky to keep things smooth and harmonious in the relationship.

How Hang-Ups Affect Relationships

If you’ve ever wondered why it’s important to be aware of relationship hang-ups, the answer lies in their subtle yet powerful impact on relationship dynamics.

Much like an unnoticed undercurrent can change the course of a river, these hang-ups can silently steer a relationship off course. [Read: Uncertainty in a relationship – what it feels like, causes, and 32 ways to fix it]

1. Stunted Personal Growth

Hang-ups can hinder personal growth, as partners might restrain themselves to avoid triggering issues. It’s like walking on eggshells, where neither partner feels free to grow or change.

2. Communication Breakdown

When hang-ups like fear of conflict or past trauma come into play, communication can suffer. Instead of open dialogues, partners may resort to silence or passive aggression. Misunderstandings and resentment can build up, creating emotional distance between partners.

This emotional distance often leads to a lack of trust and intimacy, making it harder to resolve issues. Over time, unresolved conflicts can erode the foundation of the relationship, making it increasingly difficult to maintain a healthy connection. [Read: 31 exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

3. Projecting Past Baggage

Bringing past relationship baggage can lead to unfair comparisons and projections. Past relationships, however they ended, should serve as learning experiences rather than lenses through which to view current ones.

Constantly comparing a new partner to an ex can create unrealistic expectations and unnecessary pressure. Doing this can prevent genuine connection and trust from forming, as the new partner may feel they are constantly being judged against someone else.

Over time, these unresolved issues from the past can undermine the potential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

4. Trust Issues

Hang-ups stemming from past betrayals can lead to a lack of trust in current relationships. Partners might constantly check on each other or feel insecure, creating an atmosphere of suspicion.

Trust issues stunt relationship growth because they prevent the development of a safe and secure environment.

Lack of trust can lead to constant anxiety and stress, hindering open and honest communication. Without trust, it’s challenging to build a strong foundation, and the relationship may struggle to thrive.

5. Reduced Intimacy

Emotional hang-ups can create barriers to physical and emotional intimacy. Partners might withdraw, feeling disconnected, which can lead to a lack of closeness and affection.

This withdrawal can result in feelings of loneliness and frustration, making it difficult for both partners to feel truly connected. [Read: 34 signs, why we feel disconnected in a relationship & ways to reconnect]

Over time, the lack of intimacy can erode the emotional bond that holds the relationship together. Without addressing these barriers, the relationship may struggle to regain its sense of closeness and mutual understanding.

6. Avoidance of Conflict

Relationship hang-ups can also cause couples to avoid conflicts instead of addressing them directly. This is because fear of confrontation can make dealing with issues seem too daunting.

Doing this lets issues fester and worsen over time, ultimately causing more harm to the relationship.

7. Dependency Problems

Fear of abandonment can lead to clinginess or dependency. [Read: Abandonment issues – what it is, causes, types, 34 signs, and how it hurts you]

One partner might become overly reliant on the other for emotional support, constantly seeking reassurance and validation. This can create an imbalance in the relationship, with one person feeling overwhelmed by the constant need for attention and the other feeling insecure and anxious.

Over time, this dependency can stifle individual growth and strain the relationship, making it difficult for both partners to maintain a healthy balance between independence and togetherness.

8. Conflicting Expectations

Hang-ups related to future goals or commitment can lead to mismatched expectations. One might be planning a future together while the other is still unsure, leading to a tug-of-war of expectations.

9. Jealousy and Insecurity

Hang-ups fueled by low self-esteem or past experiences can breed jealousy and insecurity. This can manifest in overreactions to innocent interactions, turning the relationship into a constant trial of loyalty. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs and 51 ways to deal with insecurity and fix it]

10. Power Imbalances

Issues related to control or past manipulations can create power imbalances. One partner may dominate decisions, leaving the other feeling powerless and marginalized.

This dynamic can lead to resentment and a lack of mutual respect, as the controlled partner may feel their opinions and needs are consistently disregarded.

Over time, these imbalances can erode the foundation of the relationship, making it difficult to maintain a healthy and equitable partnership.

How Can You Let Go of These Hang-Ups?

It’s easy once you realize that it’s doing more harm than good in your relationship. Holding on to these issues can prevent you from enjoying the moments you have together.

Instead of being happy, you’re constantly looking for ways to be miserable. [Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes and types of love that hurt you]

You can deny it by saying that you’re just protecting your relationship, but the truth is that you don’t need to protect something that’s not under threat. Hang-ups exist, because you gave them more significance than they are owed.

1. Trust Your Partner

Unless they did something really bad in the past, you can rest knowing that your partner loves you enough to not let anything ruin what you have together. [Read: How to help someone with trust issues open up and overcome their fear]

2. Be More Confident

Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. If your partner found something to love about you, why shouldn’t you be able to see the same things in yourself?

3. Learn to Let Things Go

Some things aren’t worth fighting over. You need to pick your battles and prevent petty fights from breaking out. Be the bigger person, and you’ll see that your partner will soon follow suit.

4. Remember That Your Partner Chose You

Don’t immediately consider that they like someone else without checking your facts. Don’t turn a blind eye if your partner is visibly cheating on you, but don’t suffocate them or hound them with probing questions, if they haven’t done anything wrong.

5. Enjoy Your Sex Life

Don’t ruin it with visions of past lovers and scorecards of past experiences. Just make the most of what you have and explore each other’s needs, without considering any other people. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets you absolutely must know]

6. Respect Each Other’s Privacy

Just because you’re in a relationship does not mean that you’re not allowed to have secrets. When both of you are involved, you can discuss the terms of telling each other everything.

If it doesn’t concern your partner or if the issue doesn’t require their immediate input, you do not have to feel guilty about not telling them. The same goes for your partner, if they want to deal with something privately as well.

7. Be Kind

Don’t let physical hang-ups destroy your respect for each other. Don’t be bothered by the issue of appearances, unless it’s absolutely unbearable. [Read: How to be a good person and 32 ways to transform into a better human]

If your partner dresses inappropriately, has bad manners or is living an unhealthy lifestyle, you can voice your opinion.

But if they are simply being themselves without really harming anyone, remember that this is the same person you fell for the first time that you saw them.

8. Don’t Involve Other People in Your Issues

Before you let anyone put their two cents in, you and your partner need to discuss your problems privately. That’s why it’s a relationship problem. [Read: 20 Relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]

If you have a personal problem, do your partner the courtesy of telling them about it, before you tell anybody else. If you arrive at a point where you can’t handle dealing with your problem alone, then you can ask for help from your family or friends.

9. Develop Self-Awareness

Understanding the root of your hang-ups is key. Engaging in introspection or therapy can help you uncover why you react the way you do in your relationship.

It’s like being a detective in your own life, searching for clues to understand your emotions and behaviors. This self-awareness is the first step toward change. [Read: 25 Honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

10. Practice Effective Communication

Good communication is more than just talking; it involves active listening, empathy, and expressing yourself clearly.

According to psychological research, effective communication can significantly reduce misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection. Think of it as building a bridge over the river of confusion and misunderstandings that hang-ups often create.

11. Set Realistic Expectations

Sometimes, our hang-ups stem from unrealistic expectations we place on our partners or the relationship. [Read: 20 Healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]

By understanding and adjusting these expectations, based on the reality of who your partner is and what the relationship can offer, you create a more grounded and stress-free connection.

12. Engage in Joint Activities

Participating in activities together can strengthen your bond and help overcome hang-ups.

Whether it’s a shared hobby, exercise, or volunteering, these activities can improve understanding and appreciation for each other, acting as a glue that holds the relationship together. [Read: 33 Best hobbies for couples to have fun, bond, and feel closer than ever!]

13. Learn Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it can either exacerbate hang-ups or help resolve them.

Learning and practicing conflict resolution skills, like negotiation and compromise, can turn arguments into constructive conversations. It’s like learning to dance in the rain rather than getting caught in a storm.

14. Embrace Vulnerability

Being vulnerable with your partner can help heal and prevent hang-ups. It involves opening up about your fears, desires, and insecurities. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship, open up, and 28 secrets to grow closer]

This act of bravery, strongly supported by psychological research, can deepen trust and understanding, acting like a balm to the scars of past hang-ups.

15. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Often, we are our own harshest critics, which can feed into our relationship hang-ups.

Learning to be kind and forgiving to oneself can lead to a healthier self-image and reduce the pressure we put on our relationships. It’s like giving yourself a hug instead of a critical glare in the mirror. [Read: 10 solutions to the most common relationship problems]

Handling Certain Relationship Hang-Ups Isn’t Always Easy

Relationships, inherently complex, require a mix of patience, effort, and a readiness to evolve both individually and as partners.

Confronting these challenges, although it might seem intimidating, paves the way for stronger and more meaningful connections. It’s about mutual support, open communication, and adaptability.

[Read: Uncertainty in a relationship – what it feels like, causes, and 32 ways to fix it]

While handling certain relationship hang-ups isn’t always easy, you possess the strength to prevent them from overwhelming you. Communicate with your partner, and work together to resolve the issue. After all, nurturing and strengthening the bond is the essence of a relationship.