20 Great Reasons to Date a Divorced Man, Types & the Ex-Wife Must-Knows!

As divorce rates rise, so does the chance you’ll come across a divorced man in your dating pool. Are you ready to take the chance? Here’s all you need to know.

It’s no secret that couples who divorce get a bad rep. For most people, divorce implies failure, disaster, tragedy, nasty custody battles, nastier money issues, and irreconcilable differences. Some even cringe at the idea of dating a divorced man like they’re damaged goods. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth!

If you’re on the hunt to find Mr. Right, don’t count out divorced men just yet. Many people find happy endings after a couple *or more* divorces.

There are plenty of pros when it comes to dating a divorced man, so consider opening your horizons with these reasons and tips to date a divorced man. [Read: Tired of being single AF – 51 signs & the dating goals and habits you need]

How is dating a divorced man any different?

Dating a divorced man comes with its own unique challenges, but it isn’t as far-fetched as some believe. The truth is, dating a divorced man isn’t too different from dating a non-divorced man.

Every person has their own life experiences that make a relationship with them different from the next.

There are some common traits among divorced men, such as previous history, maturity from experience, limitations on their new relationship, and *sometimes* children.

But it’s nothing to fear when you’re aware of his unique challenges and are ready to face them with him. [Read: Dating as a single parent – 52 must-knows to date a single mom or dad]

So we’re here to guide you through the key reasons and things to look out for when dating a divorced man so you can better decide if this is the type of relationship for you.

Reasons a divorced man makes a great partner

If you’re considering dating a divorced man, here are some general reasons to go for it! But remember every man’s situation is unique to him.

Take these reasons as motivation to pursue him, but still know that you’ll have to learn more about your man before assuming these apply to him.

1. He’s aware of his past mistakes

If you’ve met a divorced man who is back in the dating field, it’s likely he’s learned from his past relationship and has grown since then.

Of course, he wouldn’t want to make the same mistakes again and go through a second divorce! He’s reflected on his shortcomings and is now trying to do better.

2. He can communicate

A man who has gone through a failed marriage has likely been through many difficult talks and tough conversations in his previous relationship.

He’s no stranger to being vulnerable and practicing open communication, which makes him the perfect candidate for a good boyfriend.

After all, communication is a crucial part of setting boundaries and nurturing a healthy relationship.

3. He’s not afraid of commitment

Sure, he’s done the whole commitment thing before and it didn’t work out, but that isn’t stopping him! Despite his failed commitment, he is back in the dating scene because he is ready to open himself up to love and give another serious relationship a try.

4. He’s determined to create a strong relationship

Divorcees don’t go back into the dating field to play games. They’ve been there, done that. They take their relationships very seriously so they don’t waste any more time.

If you’re looking for someone who will cut to the chase and invest in building your relationship, a divorced man is the kind of partner for you. [Read: 49 signs he wants a serious, exclusive & committed relationship with you]

5. He’s open about his wants and needs

Since divorced men don’t exactly want to waste time on another failed relationship, they can be pretty straightforward about their desires.

They know what their needs look like and are upfront about finding a partner who will meet them. This means he’ll appreciate your openness about your wants and needs as well.

6. He’s sexually experienced

It’s no surprise that a man with experience in marriage also has experience in the bedroom. But what sets him apart from the other single guys out there is that he has a more realistic idea of intimacy.

Plus, he has a greater understanding of how a woman likes to be pleasured. His ex likely taught him a lot about women’s needs in bed and he has a good eye for fulfilling those needs.

7. He has a realistic view of marriage

A man who has gone through a marriage knows what it takes to have a successful one. He has reflected on the ups and downs of his last relationship and now has a realistic view of communication and compromise that make a marriage last. [Read: 31 subtle qualities of a good husband that make or break a happy marriage]

8. He’s more sensitive to your needs

When we leave a relationship, we often look back on what we wish we had done. Divorced men do that but to a greater degree.

They work to improve on their mistakes in their past relationship. So when you start dating a divorced man, expect to have your needs constantly asked about and met.

9. He’s “house-trained”

If you’re with a divorced guy who used to live with other women, he’s likely “house-trained”. What we mean by this is he will be used to sharing a space with someone else and will know how to make space to accommodate you. He will also be ready to help around the house and be more attentive to your wants.

Putting the seat down, cooking meals, and doing house chores will come naturally to a divorced man who used to live with women. He won’t need any adjustment time to share a space—it will flow naturally to him.

10. If he has kids, he’ll be more accepting of your situation

Whether you have kids or don’t want any, a divorced dad is more likely to accept your situation than someone else. He understands the responsibilities that come with children so he won’t be selfish and push you to have kids. [Read: Women who don’t want children – the valid reasons behind their choice]

And if you happen to have children, a divorced dad will have an understanding of your lifestyle and limitations. He won’t expect too much from you because he knows how sacrificing it is to be a parent.

11. He’s financially independent

Now, everyone hits milestones in life at different times. But if a man has already hit his marriage *and divorce* milestone, it’s likely that he already has an established career.

Divorced men also tend to have good spending habits because they aren’t strangers to savings, bills, and sharing income. [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]

Things to know when dating a divorced man

So while dating a divorced man may be new and exciting to you, don’t let him swoop you off your feet just yet. Think about these things first and make sure you know what you are getting when dating a divorced man.

1. Know where the divorce stands

Before even thinking about dating a divorced man, first know where the divorce really stands. Is he going through the divorce process?

How long has the process been going on? You’ll want to be sure that he is actually divorced and not just temporarily separated.

Knowing where the divorce stands *and where he stands in the divorce* tells you just how committed he is in a potential relationship with you, and if you should be serious about the relationship. [Read: Signs a past relationship is holding you back]

2. You may have to be discreet for a while

So your boyfriend may be divorced, but that doesn’t mean he completely let go of his old life. He’s still friends with those who are also friends with his ex.

Don’t be surprised if he’s not too thrilled to integrate you into his circle too soon. He probably expects you to be discreet about your relationship for a while.

3. Hold off on social media

With being discreet comes social media restrictions. Keep your dates to yourself. Simply don’t advertise your relationship on social media just yet, especially if the divorce proceedings started.

Always ask him if he’s comfortable with any social media postings or discussion of your relationship with others. The last thing you’ll want to do is cross his boundaries or create more drama in his life. [Read: Social media and relationships – 47 rules, etiquette, and where couples go wrong]

4. Don’t push him to settle down

Listen, he’s been there, done that. So he may not feel as excited about the whole idea of marriage, especially after coming off a rough one. Don’t date him waiting for a proposal or try to push him into settling down so fast.

He just left a relationship—let him enjoy the new one before tying the knot again. After all, there’s no reason to rush! Enjoy the little things in life and fate will naturally lead you to the next step in your relationship.

The thing is, he might be jaded about the whole thing after his bad experience. So give him time or move on to someone else.

5. You are not his ex, so don’t try to be

It can be hard to not compare yourself in any relationship, but it is especially hard not to compare yourself to the ex-wife of your boyfriend.

Of course, they had a history and you can’t ignore that. But you are not his ex-wife for a simple reason.

He likes you and obviously does not like her anymore. So don’t try to be her or compare yourself to her in any way. If you do, you’re likely to push your boyfriend away. He’s not looking for his ex-wife as a partner. If he was, he wouldn’t have divorced her. [Read: 46 secrets to stop being jealous for no reason & learn to live envy-free]

6. Don’t dig for the details

While you lend your support for whatever your boyfriend goes through, you don’t have to know every detail of the divorce and his past relationship. While it’s natural to be curious, don’t be too pushy.

Whatever you want to know, wait until your man is comfortable enough to tell you about it. Besides, he’s trying to move on from the relationship. Stop reminding him of his ex by making him rehash the old times.

7. You’ll hear all about the ex

Be prepared to have conversations about his ex, especially if the divorce proceedings are underway. You may ask him, “How was your day?” He’ll answer stoically with, “I talked to her *the soon-to-be ex-wife*, and she wouldn’t agree to the terms of the divorce.”

Then he might go on an angry and bitter tirade about how selfish, awful, or stubborn his ex is. Be secure enough about yourself to hear about the ex without overanalyzing things or taking it all too personally.

8. You may even meet his ex

If he shared responsibilities with his ex like children or pets, you’ll have to prepare for the possibility of crossing paths with the ex sooner or later. While awkward, be polite and learn to set boundaries for yourself and them as a divorced couple.

One or both of them may still be bitter about their past marriage or divorce. You might find yourself in the middle of it all. Just remember to be the bigger person and don’t make the situation worse for your guy. [Read: How to get a guy to forget his ex and date you instead]

9. His place will remind him *and you* of his ex

If you think he is pretty much set and stable in life, think again. If he still lives in the house where he used to live with his ex, then you’ll have to be prepared.

There will be memories associated with that house. But the responsible thing to do is separate the two lives he’s lived and love him for who he is now.

10. You may feel judged by his friends and family

Once he introduces you to his family and friends *finally*, be prepared to be scrutinized and compared. They might judge you and even stack you up against his ex.

Keep in mind that you can’t please everyone. The important thing to focus on remains your relationship with your boyfriend, which should speak for itself in the end. [Read: Easy things you can do to get his mom to adore you]

11. If he has kids, don’t push to meet them

This is a serious boundary you’ll need to set if you are dating a man with a family. Meeting his kids is a delicate thing, so do not push for this in any way.

He may not be comfortable introducing you to his children or his children may not be ready to see another woman in their father’s life.

Whatever the reason is, it’s completely reasonable and you shouldn’t try to overstep it. His family will determine the right time and place for it to happen if they choose to.

12. You may feel judged by his kids

If your boyfriend has kids, they’ll judge you too. This is going to be inevitable, but there are still some things to be wary of.

How you relate with them will be tricky. Tread lightly in this department, because you have to consider both their well-being without overstepping any boundaries and offending them and his ex-wife.

13. Are you ready to have instant kids?

Remember your boyfriend’s kids are his everything. They are his priority over you. So you have to learn to adjust to a new, and perhaps strange, role of being like a stepmom to his kids. Or at least building a connection with them.

However, if your goal in a relationship is just to enjoy the dating part and are not ready to have instant kids, rethink going out with a divorced guy. [Read: Naughty ways to keep romance alive when you have kids]

14. What about your own future kids with him?

When dating a divorced guy, you also have to think not only of his kids *if he has any* but also of the idea of future kids with him.

Having kids of his own already, do you think he’s ready/wants more kids with you? What’s his take on this anyway?

On your end, are you ready for a blended family? Some divorced guys with kids don’t want to have any more kids so you have to include this into the equation. [Read: 250 fun, deep relationship questions for couples to feel closer and more loved]

15. Keep your own life

Before entering this relationship, take a look at your own life. You might have a great social life, friends, hobbies, and activities you love doing. Carry those things with you and do not leave them behind just because you’re in a relationship.

It can be overwhelming to be with a man who seems to have so much going on in his life. But never let this overrule your wants and needs.

You will need to be extra careful to not devote all of your time to your boyfriend’s life. Be sure to have your own time to thrive. [Read: Sense of self – what it is, 36 signs, tips & steps to raise it and feel great]

16. He may not have learned from his mistakes

No matter how cliché it sounds, there is truth in “it takes two to tango.” The marriage may not have worked out because of issues they both haven’t addressed or weren’t able to deal with.

Take a close look at your boyfriend and see just why his wife left him. Maybe he has shortcomings, such as a bad temper or he’s utterly heartless.

Think about your current relationship too. Has he learned from the mistakes of his past marriage, or is he just reliving it all again?

17. Continuously evaluate your needs

Sure, you will have to be adaptable and play by a big rule book when dating a divorced man. But don’t forget to constantly check in with yourself and evaluate your needs.

You have every right to be selfish and decide the relationship doesn’t fit your wants or needs. Instead of projecting your issues onto your boyfriend, determine if this is the right fit for you.

The type of divorced men to be aware of

We’ve discussed the benefits of dating a divorced man, but we can’t ignore the cons. The truth is, not all divorced men will be the same.

Some divorced men don’t understand commitment, aren’t emotionally available, or may not even really be sexually experienced. So, here are a few common types of divorced men to keep your eye out for… red flags! [Read: 31 red flags in a man who’s fake-nice & will only break your heart]

1. Mr. Friends With Benefits

If you’ve run into this kind of divorced man, expect a lot of flirting and sex… and no emotional intimacy, whatsoever. It’s likely his unkempt emotional baggage from his last divorce is holding him back, so he isn’t interested in much but sex.

This situationship works for some, but it definitely isn’t advised if you have genuine feelings for him. Do yourself a favor and stand clear of a FWB! [Read: Fuckboy – what it means, why guys do this & 36 signs and ways to get away!]

2. Mr. Collector

This type of divorced man is a little too excited about being back in the dating scene. After committing to one woman and it not ending well, he isn’t ready to commit again. Instead, he wants to relive his bachelor days and see multiple women at once. He’s not tied down, so he wants as many women as he can get his hands on. Pass!

3. Mr. Peter Pan

Despite his life experiences, this kind of divorced man seems so fun and young at heart. His youthful attitude and spontaneous plans are refreshing at first, but you’ll soon realize just why he acts this way. And perhaps why he’s divorced.

Mr. Peter Pan is a man-child stuck in his past. He never fully grew up and he expresses this through his style, his personality, and his interests. He’s always trying to “fit in” with younger folks and never seems to take anything too seriously. Rather than being his girlfriend, you’ll fill the role of being his mother. [Read: Peter Pan syndrome – what it is, 31 childish signs & how to grow up ASAP]

4. Mr. I Just Met You But I Swear I’m In love

A lack of commitment is a trait you should be aware of in divorced men, but so is overcommitment! That’s right, this type of divorced guy is ready for a long-term relationship from the moment you show interest in him.

After the third date, he’ll probably be in your home trying to relive the domestic life he had with his last wife.

He’ll expect you to behave just as she did and overcommit to him as well. This may seem sweet at first, but it’s a front. He hasn’t grown from his last marriage and is just looking for an emotional rebound.

The common types of ex-wives

Without prying your boyfriend for information, you’ll need to know what kind of ex-wife she is and how involved she is in his life. His ex-wife’s relationship with him depends a lot on how rocky their divorce was. [Read: Your boyfriend still talks to his ex? 21 warning signs you MUST know]

Understanding the kind of ex-wife your boyfriend has can help you better assess the challenges you’ll face later down the road. A few common types of ex-wives are:

1. The absent and polite ex-wife

This is the kind of ex-wife you’re the most hopeful for. She’s moved on from her past marriage and is likely absent from his life now.

If they do talk on occasion, she has no attachment to him *unless they have children* and she is friendly when interacting.

2. The overly-present ex-wife

She is definitely still in her ex-husband’s life. In fact, she runs to him every time she has an inconvenience or good news. She calls and texts too often and always has an excuse to meet.

She may be an unproblematic person, but her attachment to her ex-husband is bothersome. She’s still clingy after the divorce and still hasn’t adjusted to life after their split. [Read: 16 warning signs your boyfriend is not over his ex & still attached to her]

3. The angry ex-wife

An angry ex-wife is the most difficult kind of ex-wife to deal with. For whatever reason, she is angry, resentful, rude, and jealous. She may be jealous of you or spiteful toward her ex-husband. Either way, she will let you know!

You need to watch out for this kind of ex-wife and be sure not to overstep any boundaries, especially if they have kids together. She isn’t afraid to take her claws out or belittle your relationship. Tread carefully!

The ex-wife dilemma and how to deal with it

If you’re planning to make your relationship with a divorced man serious, you’ll have to be prepared for his ex-wife.

It’s unavoidable, after all, she was a part of his past. Therefore you’ll need to be understanding and approach her in the right way. Here’s how:

1. Be polite

First and foremost, you’ll need to be respectful of your boyfriend and his ex-wife’s boundaries. Keep your interactions with her polite, mature, and neutral.

The last thing you’ll want to do is make your boyfriend uncomfortable, so check in with him frequently about how to interact with his ex-wife.

She is not your best friend, so do not try to be hers. And if she is disrespectful toward you or harasses you, don’t bite back. Simply remove yourself from the situation like an adult and don’t stoop to her level. [Read: Toxic people – 48 warning signs & the best ways to deal with them]

2. Set boundaries

Boundaries are essential in relationships that involve an ex-partner. By establishing boundaries, you and your boyfriend have a clear understanding of what you’re willing to do and what kinds of things make you uncomfortable.

Some boundaries to discuss with your boyfriend include your involvement with his ex-wife, his ex’s visiting hours and phone calls, and their children if they have them.

Just because his ex-wife is prevalent in his life does not mean you are responsible for her, and you communicate this by setting boundaries!

3. Minimize her involvement

If your boyfriend has an overly-present or angry ex-wife, he needs to take steps to minimize her involvement in your life.

As we stated before, you are not responsible for the ex-wife. But you should voice when and where you would appreciate her involvement less in your life.

Avoiding face-to-face contact, not allowing at-home visits, and encouraging her to seek help from other people are all ways to minimize her involvement. Taking these steps can reduce stress and bring back your personal space.

4. Do not obsess over her

It’s natural to be curious about his ex-wife and what their marriage was like so you can have a better sense of who your boyfriend is. But don’t pry for these answers. Instead, let your boyfriend open up to you about them on his own time.

Curiosity turns into obsessive behavior when you’re searching for his ex-wife online to see what she looks like, where she lives, and what she’s up to. The last thing you want to do is obsess over her and compare yourself to her. [Read: Big reasons to quit cyber stalking your guy’s ex]

5. Prioritize and protect yourself

When it comes to dealing with harassment from his ex-wife, you need to prioritize your needs and remove yourself from the situation.

Simply walk away, hang up the phone, or excuse her from your home if you are being threatened or disrespected. Remember, you are in no way obligated to put up with her abusive behavior.

If she is invading your privacy over the internet, threatening you over the phone, or showing up at your house unexpectedly, protect yourself by gathering evidence when these events happen.

Set up security cameras or record voice calls. You’ll want to be safe and protected in case things escalate.

[Read: 15 strange and unknown facts about divorce]

Dating a divorced man comes with its own unique challenges, but don’t let that scare you off. Divorced men make amazing partners. Who knows, maybe you’ll find your Mr. Perfect in a divorced man!