19 Steps to Get Over a Crush on a Friend & Why We Fall for Them Easily

If you want to know how to get over a crush on a friend, it isn’t always easy. You might think it’s impossible, but it’s not. Here’s how you do it.

Crushing on a friend is the worst, especially when you know the feelings are not reciprocated. When they are, things are great. You know each other, you have a bond, and the relationship prospers. But that’s not why you’re here – you’re here to learn how to get over a crush on a friend.

Sorry to give you that image. Maybe your friend is in a relationship or isn’t interested in anything more than a platonic friendship. 

[Read: How to get over a crush and make yourself way more desirable]

Why do people develop crushes on a friend? 

You might wonder why people develop crushes on friends and can’t keep the friendship platonic. Well, there are several reasons, and here are some of them.

1. It’s about personality

When people develop crushes on people, they tend to think it’s mostly about physical attraction. But beyond that, one of the biggest reasons people develop crushes on their friends is familiarity. When you spend a lot of time with someone in close physical and psychological proximity, it’s easy to fall for them.

In a situation where people develop a crush on a friend, sometimes personality can win over looks in the long run. How someone looks helps when we first meet someone, but it’s their personality that keeps us with them and makes us want to spend time with them. [Read: 27 painful and soul-crushing signs your crush doesn’t like you back]

2. Positive interactions

Another reason people fall for their friends is because of the quality of interactions that they have with them. Since you are friends with them, most of your interactions will be positive and happy. And because of all of these good experiences with a friend, it’s normal to develop feelings of affection.

When we are in their presence, we feel good, so we unconsciously make the relationship with them a top priority in our lives.  

It’s for this reason that it’s understandable that you would develop a crush on your friend. It’s someone that you spend a lot of time with, so you develop feelings for them, whether they are platonic, romantic, or sexual. [Read: The honest secrets to let go of the past, be happy, and look to the future]

3. It’s safe

Another counterintuitive reason that people develop crushes on their friends is because they are actually trying to avoid being in a relationship. This is a contradiction, but there is some logic to it too.

Sometimes, when we fall for people who we are friends with that aren’t particularly interested in us romantically, it is more about us being a hopeless romantic than that person being “The One.”

In other words, we’re more “in love” with the fantasy of them, rather than the reality of them.

And in a subconscious way, people like that it is only a fantasy. If the relationship is only a fantasy, and therefore “impossible,” it can actually feel safer. The relationship is then only a “potential” forever, and not something that actually happens. [Read: The compelling signs that you’re facing unrequited love]

Because of this, you’re free to imagine the relationship however you want in your own mind. And that is “perfect” – whereas, in reality, it probably wouldn’t be. Everything can go exactly as you want it to go as long as it only exists in your mind. But when it comes to reality, a lot of things can go wrong.

For example, if your friend returned your feelings and you started to date, what would happen? Now it can get scary because you run the risk of ruining the relationship. Someone’s heart might break, and one of you could cheat on the other one. The relationship could fail, and then you could have bitterness between the two of you.

But when you are dealing with an unrequited crush, you know the pain can only get so bad. Sure, it’s no fun, but it’s not as bad as the pain of having what you wanted and then losing it. [Read: The step-by-step guide to get over unrequited love]

4. Self-esteem

Another reason people develop hopeless crushes is because of their self-esteem. You might have this crush because you know your friend is unavailable or uninterested because you don’t believe you deserve to date someone.

You might not believe in your own worth and value, so you don’t feel like you deserve a real relationship. Therefore, you fall for this “impossible” relationship. [Read: How long does a crush last? The best ways to get over them ASAP]

Having a crush on a friend

When you have a crush on a friend, it feels like more than just a crush. This isn’t some guy or girl that delivers your mail or takes your coffee order. This is someone you actually know.

It feels like the connection is so intense because it probably isn’t just physical. But, that does not mean you will be pining away forever. Crushes are just that: crushes. They may feel strong and never-ending, but you can get over a crush on a friend.

You just need focus and time. [Read: 30 secrets to get over someone you love fast and not give a damn anymore]

How to get over a crush on a friend

As we said, getting over a crush on a friend is definitely harder than getting over a crush on a complete stranger. You are around this person a lot. You probably share mutual friends, and seeing each other usually makes a crush grow.

To get over a crush on a friend, you may have to make some changes to your friendship. Now, remember these are only temporary, and once you have gotten over your crush, you can go back to how things were before these dreaded feelings. [Read: 33 steps to stop thinking of someone you like when you know you can’t have them]

1. Do open your eyes

This person isn’t some random stranger you have been fantasizing about. This is someone you know relatively well. So you probably know their best qualities as well as their worst ones. A crush can cloud your judgment, so remind yourself of the reasons this wouldn’t work out.

Do they travel a lot for work? Do they have cats and you’re allergic? Are they into monogamy and you’re more free-spirited? Facts and rationality can push a crush away. [Read: Friend to lover – What you really need to know]

2. Don’t wait for them to see it

Something we often do when we have a crush on a friend is secretly hoping they will notice. We pine for them and throw out subtle signs, but never let those words pass your lips.

You will never move on if you are just waiting for them to find out on their own. [Read: 25 tips to effortlessly impress your crush and steal their heart]

3. Do talk to a trusted friend

Talk to a sibling, a parent, or someone you know you can trust to vent. Bottling everything up will only make the crush feel worse. You don’t want this crush to overrun your whole life.

Let some of that grief out by confiding in a close friend. [Read: How to surround yourself with positive people]

4. Don’t act like everything is normal

It’s not. Going about seeing this friend as if everything is just fine and dandy is not benefiting anyone. This is what you’ve been doing thus far, and nothing has changed for you.

If you keep acting like your crush doesn’t exist, you are denying how you feel. It may not look like you have a crush, but if you feel it, that is what matters.

5. Do take some time

This can be the hard part. You have a crush on this friend and want to see them, but seeing them likely makes you like them even more and can even make your crush stronger. Instead of letting these feelings fester every time you are together, take some time away.

Sort of like a break from the friendship. You don’t have to ghost them or tell them you’ll be silent. Just be a little MIA. It can take anywhere from a few days to weeks to notice those feelings fading. [Read: How to ask a friend out without risking the friendship]

6. Don’t find someone else now

Yes, a crush is just a crush, but if it is affecting you enough to be reading this feature, it is strong enough for you to slow down. We have all heard the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but that is not always true.

All that does is take your mind off of it for a little while, and it will likely hurt your rebound. Instead, occupy your time with something more productive.

7. Do avoid social media

While trying to figure out how to get over a crush on a friend, staying away for a while is one thing, but watching their Instagram stories and their Snapchat location will not do you any good. All it does is feed that crush and make your feelings even stronger.

A break from social media can do us all some good. But when you have a crush on someone you want to get over, it is the best time to cut down on screen time.

8. Don’t get jealous

If you want to get over a crush on a friend because they are interested in someone else or in a relationship, try not to let yourself get jealous. Yes, maybe you knew them first or you think you two would be a better match, but it is their choice.

If you cherish their friendship, you will respect that. Being a little bitter is normal, but try to let go of that. [Read: Sneaky ways to brainwash your friend and get them to like you]

9. Do appreciate your friendship

This is so important. The reason you’re likely reading this feature about how to get over a crush on a friend is so that you can maintain the friendship. You don’t want to mess things up, or make them complicated and risk losing your friendship.

So make a list of all the reasons you love having this person as a friend and focus on that. The whole point of getting over them is to keep this friend.

10. Don’t overthink

This can be nearly impossible. A lot of people are overthinkers, and it is not easy to stop. But the more you think about your crush, fantasize, or even cry, the more power you’re giving to it. [Read: How to stop overthinking and find more peace]

11. Do keep busy

What is the best way not to overthink? Stay busy. Ask for more responsibility at work. Start a new hobby or project.

Doing something other than scrolling through your crush’s Instagram feed will benefit you in more ways than one.

12. Don’t tell everyone

Remember when we said to confide in someone you trust? That is because you probably don’t want your friend to find out. We are not for lying, but if you decided it was best to get over this crush on a friend, hold yourself to that.

Do not go telling everyone in your friend group how you feel. Don’t talk crap about your crush’s significant other. Keep your private feelings safe. You don’t want to be the source of gossip. [Read: Love your best friend? Here’s why you need to back away right now]

13. Do mourn

This may only be a crush, but you deserve to mourn your unmatched feelings and the potential for more that will never happen. Eat a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watch Legally Blonde in bed.

Stay in your PJs all day and just be sad that your feelings weren’t reciprocated. But one day is the cut-off for a crush. After letting all the tears out, get back to your life. [Read: 30 secrets to get over someone you love fast and stop hurting yourself]

14. Don’t rush it

Just like anything, a crush takes time to get over. It will not happen overnight. We can’t tell you if it will be a week, a month, or a whole year. But soon enough, you will realize that you haven’t thought about them all day, or even for multiple days.

Slowly those days without them on your mind will become more and more frequent, and you’ll get over your crush on a friend without even realizing it. [Read: The stages of trying to get over someone who doesn’t like you]

15. Do tell them how you feel

If you are all out of options, this may be your last chance. If you have tried everything and just cannot let go of this crush on a friend, tell them.

Sure, it could work out and you can skip happily into the sunset together, but if not, you can start to move on. [Read: Friend zone hacks to get your friend to like you more]

Once you get closure, or even just an answer or the satisfaction of knowing you told them, you can begin to let go. It won’t eat away at you, and you won’t wonder what would have happened if you said something. Sure, it is a risk, but if it feels like it is worth it, do it.

Things might be awkward between you for a while, but if your friendship was worth all this trouble, it will prevail.

[Read: How to be friends with someone you like without losing your mind]

Hopefully, these do’s and don’ts of how to get over a crush on a friend work wonders for your most recent crush. Now, go ahead and move on to someone new.