19 Secrets to Fall Back in Love With Your Partner When the Attraction Fades

It’s difficult to admit that your relationship is going downhill. So, that’s why you need to know how to fall back in love with your partner again.

Relationships are tough, we all know that. But they don’t have to be. You can learn how to fall back in love with your partner and reignite the spark again.

It doesn’t matter how long you have been in a relationship, you’ll find that you have good days and bad days. There are moments when you couldn’t feel happier and in love, and then there are days when you seriously question your own judgment and wonder why you are with your partner in the first place. 

Successful relationships are no walk in the park – it takes compromise and hard work to make your relationship last. We all have highs and lows and ups and downs, but if you get to the stage where you feel as though you have fallen out of love with your partner, it can be very difficult to come back from that.

However, before you give up on your relationship and throw everything away, perhaps you need to think about what has gone wrong in your relationship to make you feel this way and if there is anything you can do to make it better again. [Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]

Why do we lose feelings for someone we love?

You think that when you fall in love that it will last forever. But for many couples, that doesn’t happen. Instead, they lose their feelings for each other, no matter how strong their love was initially. But why does that happen? There are many reasons, and here are some of the most common ones.

1. Infatuation wears off

The infatuation stage – or the honeymoon phase – is that initial part of the relationship where you are walking on Cloud 9. You feel like your partner is the best person in the whole world and you are the luckiest guy or girl on the planet.

But as time goes on, that feeling wears off because it’s mostly chemicals in your brain that cause this feeling. For some couples, this can transition into a deeper love – one that can endure and stand the test of time.

But for others, it signals the beginning of the end. The rose-colored glasses come off and you see your partner’s flaws. [Read: Relationship stages – Phases that couples go through by months and years]

2. Their true self emerged, or they changed

A lot of people say, “my partner changed!” But did they really change? They could have – it happens sometimes, especially if you have been with someone for a long time. When you spend many years or decades with someone, they are bound to change. Sometimes it’s for the better of the relationship and sometimes it’s not.

If it’s earlier in the stages of a relationship, the people might still say “they changed.” But that just means that their true self emerged. People are on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship, but they can’t suppress their real selves for long. They eventually revert back to who they really are.

3. Bad habits

As we just said, people put their best selves forward in a new relationship. But as their true self emerges, you might find that you don’t like a lot of their habits – even if they aren’t technically “bad” *although they might be*. [Read: 16 silly bad habits that can hurt your relationship]

Really bad habits include things like excessive drinking or using drugs. But other habits that aren’t “bad” but are annoying can also emerge. Maybe you’re a neat freak and your partner is a bit messier than you. It might drive you crazy and affect your feelings for them. 

4. Betrayal

Any form of betrayal in a relationship is bound to affect your feelings for your partner. When we are in a committed relationship, we expect that our significant other will always have our back and stay true to us.

So, whether someone cheated or committed some other betrayal like financial betrayal, this can really take a toll on people’s feelings of love. They don’t feel safe anymore, and they probably don’t think that this betrayal is unforgivable. Their feelings of trust and love eventually disappear. [Read: How to rebuild trust after cheating – Things the ex-cheater MUST do]

Can couples who fall out of love fall back in love again? 

You might think that if a couple falls out of love that it’s over. But that’s not true. There are a lot of couples that have rekindled their love. But you can’t just wave a magic wand and expect it to get better on its own.

Relationships are like plants. They need to be watered, fed, and nurtured. If you neglect a plant, it will die. The same is true of relationships. So, you have to put in the effort to make it work. That is the only way that you can fall back in love.

How to fall back in love with your partner

So, if you do feel this way, can anything be done? The good news is that if both you and your partner want to save your relationship, there are ways to do this.

If you want to know how to fall back in love with your partner again, why not try these 15 tips? [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]

1. Tell them what you need

If you state your needs explicitly, then your partner will have no excuses. Often, it can be a series of misunderstandings that lead you to the point where you feel your relationship is no longer working.

If you tell your partner exactly what you need to make the relationship work, then you are being completely honest with them. This way, you have laid all your cards on the table, and it is up to them to decide whether they can provide you with what you need.

Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. If you are dissatisfied with the relationship, tell them what you want. Only then can it get better. [Read: How to tell your partner you’re unhappy – Steps that make all the difference]

2. Ask what your partner needs

If you have told your partner what you need to make the relationship work, then you should be willing to listen to what they need too. When you talk about your needs, whether they are emotional or physical, try to be receptive to one another, and try not to get defensive or shut the other person out.

It can take a while to truly understand the root causes of your problems and work out exactly what you each desire, or where things have gone wrong. And sometimes it can be tough to hear. But if you don’t communicate this way with one another, your relationship will most likely fall apart.

3. Be receptive to what your partner asks of you

It can be very easy to think what you have asked of your partner is perfectly acceptable. But when they ask you to make similar changes, you might think that they are being ridiculous or asking for too much.

Remember, it is very easy to see the faults in another person, but it’s far more challenging to see them in yourself.

So keep an open mind, be sensitive, and work together to get to a point where you feel as though you are both making a mutual effort to make the relationship work. [Read: Selfishness in relationships – 15 tips to do the right thing]

4. Be positive

When you first realize you may not be in love with your partner anymore, it is so easy to head into a downwards spiral of negativity and quickly get into the mindset that your relationship is doomed.

So if you want the relationship to continue, you need to think positively. If you are too negative, it will be almost impossible to see a way out. With positivity comes perseverance, and that will be essential to make your relationship work.

5. Talk about the future

If you want to feel excited about your relationship again, then talk about what you both want for the future.

Having these plans together and imagining the future together will bring you closer. This way, you are working towards a common goal, you have a clear idea of what you want, and can imagine your life still together years from now.

Having these “big picture” conversations, such as buying a house or having kids together, will help your relationship feel stronger than ever before. 

And the fact that you are talking about committing to a future with one another also speaks volumes about your dedication to one another, and it’s also a great thing to do if you want to know how to fall back in love. [Read: Secret signs that reveal a bad relationship]

6. Make time for each another

Being in a successful relationship is not only about understanding each other’s needs. It is about ensuring you still pay attention to your partner and spend time together doing the things you love.

It is so easy, particularly in long-term relationships, to stop appreciating one another or making an effort. If you spend most of your evenings sitting on armchairs mindlessly watching hours of TV, you are forgetting to talk to one another, to have fun and laugh together, and to keep getting to know one another.

Spending time talking, doing something active, and going on dates is so important to keep the romance and spark in your relationship alive. [Read: 16 sweet ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]

7. Keep making an effort

This is HUGE if you want to know how to fall back in love. So many relationships break down because partners don’t feel the need to make an effort with each another anymore. Just because you have secured yourself a ‘mate’ doesn’t mean you should get too comfortable.

Making an effort with your appearance will be appreciated. We’re not saying you have to look your best all the time, but making an effort to dress up and look nice when you are going out together can make all the difference. Finding each other physically attractive is hugely important.

8. Be physically intimate

No, we are not just talking about you-know-what *although this obviously helps!*. Make sure that you remember to show affection towards one another – hold hands, cuddle each other, kiss each other hello and goodbye.

Showing affection like this will make you feel closer and remind you why you make such a good couple in the first place. Of course, sex also comes into this – the more you have sex, the more intimate you will feel with your partner. So make sure you continue to make time for this, even when it feels like an effort. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved again]

9. Try new things

Often, you just need a bit of a change in order to know how to fall back in love. Take up a new hobby, go on a road trip, or try something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to.

Going on an adventure together, experimenting, and doing new things will make your relationship feel fresh and fun again – and remind each other why you got together in the first place. [Read: Real reasons why so many couples drift apart over time]

10. Be patient and kind

Remember that everyone goes through tough times in their relationships. If you can remember the good times, why you fell in love in the first place, and you both want to make it work, then you stand a fighting chance. So be patient and kind to one another and you’ll get there!

11. Make your relationship a priority

Life is busy, so it’s easy to let your relationship slip down the priority list. But that’s a surefire way to fall out of love with your partner. It doesn’t matter whether you have busy jobs and kids, both of you need to make your relationship a priority again. If you don’t you can’t reconcile.

12. Express your appreciation

Unfortunately, the longer people are together, the more they take each other for granted. They no longer appreciate the things they once loved … they forget about them.

So, you need to regularly express your appreciation for them. Whether it’s for them cooking you dinner or paying the bills, say “thank you” to them. [Read: How to show your appreciation to someone and express your gratitude]

13. Get out of your routines

Life is full of routines. Get up, go to work, eat lunch, go home, make dinner, watch some TV, then go to bed. There’s nothing wrong with routines, but they can get boring. You need to try to get out of those routines and create new ways to connect. Try to get out of your old patterns of behaviors together.

14. Have regular date nights

One of the things that is so great about a new relationship is that you are still going out on dates. Dates allow you to focus on one another just one-on-one with no distractions.

So, it’s important to go on dates at least once a week – if not more. You don’t even have to spend any money. Just take a picnic to the park and talk to each other.

15. Rediscover each other

Date nights should also be used to rediscover who your partner is. If you have been together a long time and have kids, you might have put your family as a priority, and not your marriage. So, over time, your partner might have changed without you even noticing. Take time to rediscover who they really are – today.

[Read: 15 reasons why you’re bored with your relationship and ways to fix them]

When your relationship goes through a rocky patch, it can be very unnerving. However, if you want to know how to fall back in love with your partner, try these tips. Most relationships are worth fighting for, so make sure you give yours a chance!