17 Relationship Deal Breakers You Need to Fix to Be a Good Partner

We don’t often realize that we possess some relationship deal breakers on ourselves. So if this is the case, it’s crucial you do something about them.

A relationship could seem calm and perfect on the outside. But more often than not, it’s never as simple as it appears. You may think you’re the ideal partner who constantly tries to woo their lover or make them feel special. But unknowingly, you may display a few relationship deal breakers that could be tearing the both of you apart without your notice.

We often know the common red flags on a partner that we shouldn’t ever tolerate. But what if you happen to possess some of those red flags?

After all, it’s much easier to spot the mistakes of others without realizing we have some flaws in ourselves as well.

[Read: 18 subtle but critical signs of an unhealthy relationship!]

The big things that break a relationship apart

There are so many little things that play a part in holding a relationship together. But there are just as many little things that can drive a wedge between the both of you too.

Sometimes, it may be an ego battle that’s played subtly, or at other times, it could be trust issues or even the involvement of a third person that causes an emotional affair to enter into the picture. Also, it’s not always the big things that always tear a relationship apart, but more often than not, it is the small things that accumulate to create a big issue. [Read: 18 signs you’re having an emotional affair and don’t even know it!]

If you genuinely want your relationship to bloom without doubts or trust issues, avoid letting your ego get in the way of your relationship.

Communication is always the key for any relationship, so if you want your relationship to thrive and bloom, you need to discuss even the difficult things.

You need to deal with conflict without tearing one another apart. The earlier both of you start communicating with each other, the easier it is to avoid these relationship deal breakers and the fall of the relationship. [Read: 25 topics to talk about for a perfectly happy relationship]

How can you tell if you have any relationship deal breakers?

We all have different relationship deal breakers that we consider to be red flags. So the best way to avoid this is by talking with your partner and finding out what turns them off and what they like about you, however small the issue may be. So if you want to keep your relationship thriving, communication really is the key.

How will you know what they consider red flags if you don’t talk to one another about the things? Some of the relationship deal breakers on this list should be common sense, but sometimes, you wouldn’t know you’re making these mistakes without talking to your partner.

You can’t always be the perfect partner and achieve every single one of their needs, but you can get closer to each other’s idea of perfection if you discuss these with them.

[Read: 25 most common dating deal breakers for women every man must avoid]

17 relationship deal breakers to watch out for!

Every relationship is unique. But if it starts to fall apart, there are just a few reasons that cause the breakdown. You may assume your relationship is different from the others, but chances are, you’re making the same mistakes that most couples going through a hard time are making! [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that most couples overlook!]

If you want your relationship to flourish without any difficulties, keep these relationship deal breakers in mind. It may seem easy and simple, but you may be committing a few or more than just a few of these mistakes without even realizing it.

1. Making plans on their behalf

Do you unintentionally take decisions on your partner’s behalf? If a friend asks you to meet up, but you already have plans with your partner, do you answer on behalf of your partner and tell your partner about it later?

If your partner finds this particularly annoying and irksome, this is one of the relationship deal breakers you should watch out for in yourself. You may assume that you making plans on behalf of your partner for any reason at all just shows how well you know your partner.

But somewhere along the line, you could be turning into a controlling partner without even realizing it! [Read: How to handle and fix controlling behavior in a relationship]

2. “Who told you to do that?”

If your partner does something thoughtful or sweet to surprise you, but it doesn’t go as planned and ends badly, do you criticize your partner and say something mean like, “who told you to do that?!”

The fact that they went out of their way to surprise you and show a token of appreciation for you, only for you just to criticize them and yell at them, is a major red flag on you. In fact, your partner might subconsciously hate you for it and never surprise you ever again.

It seems like a minor thing for you but for them, you shut down their surprise and gesture without even a hint of appreciation. That’s insulting. [Read: The 9 relationship stages all couples go through in love]

3. Superiority complex

Ah, yes. We’ve all met someone who possesses a superiority complex, but you might not realize you have this trait as a partner! The second you believe you’re better than your partner or that you’re stuck with someone who doesn’t deserve the awesome you, you’re stepping on the threshold of a breakup.

You’re supposed to see your partner as your equal, so the minute you think you’re above them or better than them in some way, you have a superiority complex.

This is a huge relationship deal breaker as there will be an evident lack of partnership and respect throughout your relationship *which isn’t fair at all for your partner*. [Read: 15 off-putting and obnoxious symptoms of narcissism in a person]

4. Clingy partners

Do you like spending all your free time with your partner? Do you hate it if your partner makes plans to meet their own friends after work once in a while? You may think you’re truly in love with your partner and want to be with them all the time, but in reality, you may be turning into a clingy partner without realizing it.

There’s a substantial difference between showing your partner some love and having attachment issues. If it’s the latter, it’s a deal-breaker. This will make your partner feel very suffocated by your presence and clinginess until they have no choice but to walk away.

Learn to give space in the relationship to your partner. It’ll only make your partner come closer to you and love you a lot more! [Read: 21 signs of a clingy girlfriend and how to avoid being one]

5. Washing your dirty laundry in public

A relationship is personal and a special bond that’s shared between two lovers. Don’t talk about the things happening in your relationship with anyone else, especially behind your partner’s back. It’s a very immature thing to do to bitch about your partner after every fight you have.

It’s okay, we’ve all done this, especially when dating at a young age. However, as you grow older, you realize that what happens behind closed doors should strictly just be between the two of you. It may feel good to complain about all the things that piss you off about your partner to someone else.

But by doing that, you’re only driving a wedge in the relationship because you’re talking to the wrong person. Instead of talking about your partner’s flaws and wrongdoings behind their back, why not tell them instead? Communication is vital, after all. [Read: Emotional cheating and all the bad things it can do to you!]

6. Mind readers

Do you expect your partner to read your mind all the time? Do you say “I’m fine” when you clearly aren’t? If something bothers you, be honest about it. Of course, when you’re upset, giving your lover the silent treatment feels so much better because you intuitively want to hurt them for hurting you.

But the truth is, your passive-aggressiveness isn’t going to help your relationship. This is one of the relationship deal breakers you should change about yourself when you realize you tend to do this to your partner.

They’re not mind readers, no matter how much you want them to be. And it’ll only infuriate your partner more with each new incident! [Read: How to use the silent treatment correctly and improve your communication instantly]

7. Confrontational lovers

Learn to communicate without appearing like you’re always ready to pick a fight with your partner. If your partner tells you something you don’t want to hear, do you try to listen to their side of the story, or do you go, “what did you just say?!”

Look, it’s good that you aren’t afraid of confrontation. But that doesn’t mean you need to be so confrontational with your partner, either.

You need to find the balance when you’re confronting them. Learn to communicate and hear your lover’s side of the story before reacting angrily to something. [Read: Whoa there! 8 signs you’re coming on way too strong]

8. Condescending behavior

Do you put your partner down without even realizing it? Sometimes, you may think you’re being funny when you point flaws at your lover and show just how dumb they were for making such a silly mistake. A relationship should be about supporting each other, not putting one another down.

So if you’re condescending, this is one of the relationship deal breakers you should watch out for. Without even realizing it, your behavior could be hurting the confidence of your spouse or partner. [Read: 7 secret signs of a relationship that’s starting to go bad]

9. Drama in your life

Some people just don’t like a calm and stress-free lifestyle. They unintentionally find a way to bring on more problems over themselves and expect their partner to hear them out or deal with it. So if you find a way to create unnecessary drama in your relationship or make a fuss out of even the little things, you might want to check yourself and do something about it.

If you feel like people ask you a lot of favors, or if you believe your problems are more significant than others’ problems, there’s a chance you may be creating the drama yourself and dragging your partner into it too. But remember, creating drama in your life makes you plain exhausting and irritating. [Read: 16 attention whore signs to watch out for]

10. “I told you so”

This is definitely one of the most hurtful sentences that can ever be used in a relationship, and it’s a big deal-breaker too. Do you secretly wait for your partner to fail at something you disapprove of, just so you can let them know you were right all along?

If you feel a sadistic sense of pleasure each time your partner fails at something, you need to ask yourself, do you really think this behavior is healthy? Instead of waiting for them to fail, why not support them wholeheartedly instead? This isn’t loving behavior, but it’s just you wanting to reprimand them every chance you get.

11. Any form of abuse

This should be pretty obvious, but your partner should never have to tolerate any kind of abuse in your relationship. If there is evident abuse, toxicity, or manipulation, this is one of the relationship deal breakers you shouldn’t ever ignore.

It’s easy for your partner to give you the benefit of the doubt even when there’s clearly manipulation, all because they love you wholeheartedly. However, it’s a deal-breaker for a reason.

No scenario excuses abuse of any kind or even manipulation. It signals you’re bad for one another, and it’s time to let one another go. Also, you shouldn’t even be abusing your partner in any way if you truly love them. [Read: Emotional abuse signs – How to spot an emotional abuser]

12. Your relationship is a secret

There’s a big difference between simply being a private person and going out of your way to pretend your relationship is a secret. If you pretend that your relationship doesn’t exist and your social media doesn’t have a single trace of your partner on your feed, this is an evident deal breaker.

Why do you feel the need to hide your partner, anyway? If you’re in a relationship, you should boast about them to the world and let everyone know what a great person you have by your side, not the opposite. If this is you, either do something about this or reflect on why you’re keeping them a secret. [Read: Secret relationship – Why would someone want to keep things low key?]

13. Passive aggressiveness

It’s often hard to spot passive-aggressiveness in ourselves, but it’s crucial that you do. Passive aggressiveness isn’t healthy in any relationship, and it will be detrimental to your communication and growth. Do you tend to tell your partner that it’s okay, but hold resentment and anger deep inside?

You need to do something about this as early as possible before it ruins your relationship as a whole. Learn to communicate even your difficult feelings because otherwise, you’re building a wall between both of you. [Read: How to deal with passive aggressive behavior calmly & with class]

14. You’re selfish

There is absolutely no room for selfishness when it comes to love. So if you’re looking for relationship deal breakers to observe in yourself, this is one of those. If you’re selfish and you always want things their way without considering how to meet them halfway, it’s a red flag on your behalf. [Read: 12 signs you’re being selfish in the relationship]

While a relationship can never be perfectly 50/50, you need to at least agree to a compromise with your partner. If you feel entitled to get everything you need and want in a relationship, you need to change this behavior. Your partner can’t be the only one doing all the sacrificing – that’s not how a relationship works.

15. You invalidate their feelings

This might not seem like a big deal to you, but it will always be a big deal for your partner. Do you tell your partner that they’re dramatic and that their feelings don’t matter? Or, do you avoid listening to their rants about their problems because they don’t concern you?

As their partner, you should be their confidant and best friend. So listen to what they’re trying to tell you, and don’t ever make them feel like their feelings don’t matter – because they do *especially to you*.

16. You have temper issues

Anger is a normal thing – human even. However, the way you express your anger is what differentiates healthy anger and someone with temper issues. If you’re looking for relationship deal breakers to look out for in yourself, this is one of those.

It isn’t healthy if you tend to yell, scream, curse at your partner, or punch or throw things. Remember, your emotions shouldn’t control you, especially something as powerful as anger. [Read: How to stop being angry – Free your mind and stop hurting yourself]

17. You’re not there when needed

There are times when your partner needs you and only you. So are you there whenever they do, or do you prioritize other things such as yourself, your friends or your hobbies? When your partner says it’s urgent and that they need you, don’t hesitate to be by their side.

This kind of emotional support is one of the most important things in a relationship. Really, how would you feel if they’re not there by your side when needed? Exactly. A relationship works both ways.

[Read: How to become a better person in a relationship & be happier too!]

So, what are the relationship deal breakers?

As much as we love spotting the deal breakers in others, we don’t realize that we often possess them too.

There are always a few qualities about ourselves that can hurt our partners or make them feel let down. So as much as you expect the best from your lover, make sure you’re giving them the same treatment as well. After all, expectations and gestures work both ways in any relationship.

[Read: 30 relationship rules you need to follow for a happy relationship]

These relationship deal breakers may seem like little things that don’t really play a big part in the happiness of a relationship. However, it’s essential to ensure that your relationship keeps thriving as a happy and healthy one.